Monday, October 19, 2009

Changing of the seasons

After enduring very cold temperatures ENTIRELY too early last week, we received a blessing of 80's yesterday and 70's today. I STILL haven't finished planting my bulbs, but am now blaming it on this cold that won't quite make up it's mind if it's going to be a full blown cold, or just make me tired and cough a lot. I'm running on empty.

I should be napping, because that's what you do when you're sick, but instead I'm sitting in the shade, listening to the light breeze move my Aspen trees. They are almost completely gold right now. The weather has been just perfect for the trees to change this year.

For some reason, I've been reflecting a lot on the past year. My mother's cancer, my best friend being in Iraq for a year, friends, Brian's job loss, other family members...a LOT has happened since this time last year. I hold my head up high with no regrets on either my actions nor my feelings. I look back and know that I have gained more appreciation for the little things, and smiles come easier to my face. I have unconsiously (or maybe consiously) removed little things out of my life that caused me greater stress than I was able to take, and have vowed to be sweeter with my words and my thoughts.

I miss my boys since they've started school. I see how separation between mother and sons is bound to happen, and nod knowingly. I think it's natural, even necessary, for the man to fall in love with a woman and leave his mother behind, but they are a part of me and never can be fully severed. I rejoice in them finding their new love, however, and will continuously praise God for whenever that should happen. I know this is early to think about, but as my young son becomes a teenager, I can feel the separation starting already. Wanting to share things with his friends rather than his parents. Again, I know this is completely normal (I wanted nothing to do with my mother and father as a teenager) but it's forshadowing what soon will come.

My husband is working a lot lately. I appreciate his job, appreciate it so much more before the Holidays. It allows us to breathe easier with health insurance and maybe a little bit of a bonus sometime next year. I appreciate how this company has made a change in my husband. He walks taller, with a broader step. He continuously is reminded how much he is needed at work and has more self confidence...something that I never was able to give him...but am so happy he is attaining it. I miss him, too.

With fall coming to an end too soon, I reflect. I administer. I love. I hope to find more of myself this upcoming year.

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