Card shopping has become an extremely hard thing to do when I'm buying one for my mom. I feel as if I should go shop for them around midnight so no one is around to see me bawl my eyes out. Every card I looked at made my eyes tear up, and I looked like a ninny. I picked out a card for my mom that essentially said, "what would I do without you" because it's STILL on my mind. What would my life be like without her in it?? She cried while reading it, because she wondered, as I did, if she'd make it to her next birthday. I cried while buying it, because the words rang so true.
No card ever says it all. There are no words to say how thankful I am that I have another year with her. There is no card that says everything that I feel needs to be said. I don't have the words to be able to express how deep my love is for her.
I try not to hear a clock slowly ticking time down, reminding us that our time together could be short. Instead, I try to appreciate each and every moment that we have together. Not as it would be our last, but enjoy it like it's a first. We don't know what God's plan is for mom. She has a 50% chance to survive this cancer five years. If she passes that five year mark, we're in the clear. It's amazing how struggle and pain makes you appreciate life so much more. We have an appointment for a pedicure on Tuesday (mom's first...I'm going all out) and it brings a smile to my face to think about being there as she experiences it. How could she NOT love it?
Today, it was a good day. Happy Birthday, mom.