Results

I received a couple of phone calls from mom this past week but have been waiting to tell the results of her tests until we heard everything.

Mom had her CT Scan and it was clear! She had her CA125 counts come back and they had gone down to 5! This news makes us all breathe a little easier, and allows the cancer to go a little further back into our minds. Remission is such a two-edge sword. You are so happy that she's in remission, but it's not "cured" for 5 whole years. We are so grateful for the news and are trying to train ourselves to be happy with what we've got!

Mom's energy is coming back strong as she does physical therapy. Her leg pain is less, she has feeling in all of her limbs. She's hoping the "chemo brain" gets better in time because she gets very frustrated at the loss of her short term memory. All in all, an EXCELLENT report and we are very happy!

My mom has HAIR!

Saw it with my own eyes. It's beautiful.

Mom update

I was told by several people that I haven't had any updates about mom written here. Well, it's because there's not a lot to update you with. I talked to her last night and she reports, "I still have leg pain, I still have neuropathy in my hands, and I'm still bald".

The leg pain gets bad in the evenings, and she's trying so hard not to use strong, prescribed medicine to get through it. Since she had fibromyalgia before her chemo, she isn't sure if it's that, or the taxol in her system. I'm guessing taxol, but that's only a guess.

As for her hair, I know it takes awhile for it to come back, but I'm really praying that it takes root soon...she's desperate for her hair to be back!

Her next Avastin treatment is the 10th, and she goes in for a womanly check-up today. She can't remember why she goes in for that since there's "nothing there anymore" but we'll find out today.

Her days are pretty good, but she still tries to take it easy since she gets tired so easily. All in all, things are the same.

Waiting time

I was lucky enough to go and visit my parents yesterday for about four hours. Mom is doing pretty good. Even though she doesn't feel great, her spirits are higher. It's because she knows she's done! We talked of eating steaks and salads and hopefully celebrating her "birthday"...which is day one of remission. Mom has her CT Scan on Thursday, and then in two weeks she'll have her CA125 results. If the scan looks good and her numbers went down, they should give us the good news. With the way the numbers have been going, and the fact the treatments seem to be working, dad and I figure her CA125 number should be at 11. It's going to be a long two weeks to hear that number!

We then talked about mom continuing her Avastin trial (if it is, indeed, Avastin) and other options that might be coming up in other trials. Most importantly, we talked about getting her strength up because she is so weak. The prayers seem to be working...mom and dad seem to be getting along well. I thank you so much for all of your thoughts! I promise I will let you know the results as soon as they come in.

Fantastic news

Mom had her CA125 test results come back yesterday, and the number is.....



Wait for it....






14!!
Now, remember...she had the last chemo on Wednesday, so they'll take another test in three weeks to see what her numbers are.

Please pray for mom and dad to be able to do this last one. I will be able to go over to mom and dad's house on Sunday it looks like, so that will give them the break they need. Both are worn out, both are having cabin fever, and both are driving each other crazy. Pray that they might have some time to themselves after this is all done (I mean away from each other...ha ha) and then have the heart grow fonder and all of that. Mom's talking about going to visit her sister in St. Louis, and dad's talking about going to his reunion in August. A nice break for the both of them.

Just one more

I spent the day with mom and dad today. It was nice and relaxing. My uncle is in town and he spent some time teaching me how to make the best lasagna I've ever had. I'm hoping I can remember the recipe, but know he's only a phone call away...

Mom is still recovering after chemo #5. She received her first shot, and will not do it again. Extremely painful, and the idea of doing nine more shots after that is just too much. I understand. After all of the poking and prodding and everything she has gone through, she is ready for it to be over. Who COULD blame her? With this, we're not sure if she'll be able to do the last chemo in three weeks or have to wait longer. Dad is worried that this will change the outcome, but also understands that a person can only take so much.

Mom found out that she is anemic, too, so now not only do we have to worry about her white blood cells, but also her red one's. (Or did I say that backwards?) So...they'll be monitoring that, too. She's been very weak, hardly able to stand without her legs getting wobbly and I just hope that she gets her energy back enough to withstand this last chemo. The idea of one more chemo is enough to bring her to tears. Each chemo is becoming harder and harder. I thank God she only has one left because we use that as a mantra in getting her spirits lifted. "Just one more. just one more..." I know the chemo is working. The numbers show this. I just wish it could be over for her so her body could heal. I love her so much and hate to see her in such pain and her body so weak.

Chemo #5

Today mom and dad received good news from Jenny, one of mom's nurses at the cancer center, and also the lead nurse of her trial. Mom's CA125 is down to 19! This is only after 4 chemo treatments. She just had her fifth chemo yesterday, and has one more to go. We are very positive that the chemo is working...it makes her weeks from hell worth it. Mom sounded great (she kept yelling things out so I could hear her in the background as I was talking to dad) and dad sounds wonderful, too.

They figured out that instead of mom getting the ONE shot right after chemo (you know, the one that left her with migraines?) she'll come back one week after her chemo and take 10 consecutive days of shots instead. It's more of a hassle, but this allows mom to get through her week from hell period and the chances of headaches are a LOT less. Dad was going to call and see if she could receive the shots in Longmont rather than Ft. Collins since the trip is shorter.

Dad said that her being in the teens is awesome and once we get her lower than 15, we can sigh a big sigh of relief. The next step is how to KEEP her numbers down. :)

Do a happy dance! Mom is doing great!

Too much time to think

It's been snowing here. A lot. It's been worse here in CO, but as it snows it gives me too much time to think. I've tried to stay busy with my job and online, doing laundry, keeping the boys busy...but things still creep in.

I watched Grey's Anatomy last night and the week before. The storyline is one of the main charachter has Stage 4 cancer (I still can't figure out what they are calling it...melanoma?) It's in the brain and throughout her body. The obvious futility of the situation is mind boggling and I can hardly get through the show without tearing up or sobbing, sometimes both.

This week has been hard for my mother. The shot they gave her to keep her white cells active gave her a migraine for four days. The only thing that would even touch the pain was a whole Percocet, and then that can make her dizzy and sick to her stomach. I went over there on Sunday and I offered her my touch, my love, words of encouragement. They never are enough.

As of yesterday, she was feeling better, which is good. I can't stand that the chemo has put her life on hold, yet understand that it needs to be done. I was thinking of Mother's Day coming up...and felt a sense of loss knowing that she and I most likely won't get together like we've done every year to pick out our annuals for potting up our containers because she doesn't have the energy to be able to do it. I was thinking about my birthday and my son's birthday...and not sure if she'll be able to celebrate it with us.

I'm being selfish. I want her full of life, with energy, feeling good...and I can't have that.

I just want her back.

Great news!!

Mom got the results of her CA125, and her numbers have dropped to 28. The chemo is working. All we can do is pray she goes into remission after all of this is over with, and it looks like she is heading in the right direction!! She still has two more chemo treatments to go, so keep praying for her!

I am so relieved and excited at once.

Chemo 4?

This week has been a rough one. Mom had her CT scan on Monday and I've been jittery and impatient to get the results. I don't talk a lot about the fear because it's always hard to express. Mom called me yesterday to make sure I wasn't going to her chemo because her white blood counts were low and they weren't going to give it to her this week. I was concerned for how she would take this news, but she is fine with it "another week where I can eat what I want". Ha ha. We also received the results of her CT scan. There is still a bit of fluid on the bottom part outside of her lung. We're guessing when they drained her, it didn't get it all out. As far as we know, it hasn't effected her breathing, and the doctor will continue to monitor it throughout the chemo. Mom also had a lymph node that was smaller...something else to keep tabs on. When I heard "lymph node" my breath started to come in and out fast. I know that when it hits the lymph nodes it can be very bad, but dad assured me it was a good CT scan. The doctors have decided to give mom a shot after her chemo to help her white cells work faster at reproducing. With this could come more leg pain, and that makes everyone wary, but she has to have the chemo...

We've decided that instead of me going to her chemo rounds, I would come over on Sunday's after chemo and spend time with her. This would allow my dad to go to church and Sunday School, and for mom to be taken care of. Sunday is one of the worst days for mom. Heavy medications and lot of leg pain. Again, the need to help is overwhelming, and I am glad to offer anything to make things better.

I'll be working at Picadilly today and tomorrow. Potting a whole bunch of perennials and maybe even vegetables. It's long, laborous work, but my hands are immersed in the soil so I am happy. A good distraction from the long week.

3rd round chemo

Today I spent the day at the Front Range Cancer Center hanging with mom, Aunt Marsha and dad for 6 hours. We're half way done. Only 3 more to go of the heavy chemo, and then 16 more Avastin treatments (if she's getting Avastin...we're still not sure).

Things went much better this time; she had taken a Percocet and had no pain in her legs. I have to say that I'm on pins and needles because I still am not sure mom will continue with the heavy amounts of Taxol in her body. I keep waiting for her to say, "enough is enough" and ask to lower the dosage and we know it's working because her CA 125 counts were in the 40's compared to the hundreds!! Great news!! I know it is her decision and will support her no matter what, but I want the chemo to kill the "son's of bitches" and quickly.

Mom has another Cat Scan coming up and I can tell she's afraid they'll find more cancer. The last one she had was when they found the fluid in her lungs with cancerous cells, so I can't say I blame her for worrying. I just pray that it will go fine and they don't find anything. She needs some good news...to see the chemo is worth the hell that it brings.

Fuzzy

Mom and dad came over on Monday because I went to the airport to pick up Aunt Marsha, and mom wanted to meet her with me. Mom was wearing a wig. She looked good, but I could tell she wasn't comfortable. Before she left, I told her that I wanted to see her au natural. She took the wig off and looked at me expectantly. I have heard that losing your hair during the chemo can be the most traumatic thing of all, and I couldn't imagine it, so I steadied myself for the worst. But when I saw the small, fuzzy head, the two words I thought of were survivor and hero. I did not cry. I held her and told her she was beautiful.

2nd Chemo treatment

As I said in an earlier blog, it was a 6 hour treatment that also involved the clinical trial of Avastin. She used a topical ointment to numb her skin over her port, so the hooking up of the IV was a breeze this time...yay! She started having problems pretty soon after taking the Taxol with her legs. First it felt like restless legs, and then the pain came. Sharp pains that effects her knees and legs. Her Taxol treatment is a total of 3 hours, so she was pretty miserable during that, but the other two treatments went fine. She was told she could take a half of a percoset if needed next treatment. I was not able to go due to the fact that I still wasn't sure if I was carrying a virus with me. Mom and dad were exhausted, but mom's not able to sleep well due to the steroid that they give. She doesn't sleep well for the first week after treatment.

Yesterday and today she's been feeling fine. Tomorrow is when things might start acting up. I will be heading out there tomorrow morning because I can't stand staying away any longer!! If you have messages you'd like to leave her, write them here and I'll print them out!

Mom's spirits are up and down which is, of course, completely normal. I just pray that her heart is lifted and she still feels the support she desperately needs during this time.

Missing out

I miss my mom. I haven't seen her since her last chemo treatment because she wasn't feeling great the first week after and then my kids have been sick the last couple of weeks.

Now I think I'm coming down with a cold. I just feel like the only thing I can do to help out is to go with her to her chemo appointment and now I have to miss that. I know dad will be there, but it will be her longest chemo treatment (6 hours) and I hate to miss it. However, talking to mom made me feel a bit better because she knows and I know that it would be terrible for me to go to the cancer treatment center with a cold. I could get a lot of cancer patients sick.

I know I've said it before, but I can't stand that they live so far away. With Riordan in school only half day, I can't just make a run over there, it takes 40 minutes to get there and 40 minutes to get back, and Riordan is only gone for 3 hours. Not enough time.

I also missed celebrating my dad's birthday. He needs some joy and some time off. I'm thinking of going to see Push with him, but I know he's afraid to leave mom for too long.

Brian was sick all day today and sleeping a lot. I didn't get too much done for fear my normal activities would wake him. When he gets sick, it really wipes him out. I'm tired of colds and just wish that everyone would get better!!

Day One

Mom is doing fantastic. She ate several small meals yesterday without any problems of queasiness. She had more energy than she thought she would. Kept it simple, though, just to make sure she didn't wear herself out. The nurse told her not to sit around and think, "When is it going to happen" but to live her life like she did the day before chemo. She has it in her head that tomorrow will be the day of tireds, so just pray for her today and the rest of the week. I have GOT to make something for them to eat that is light and that has no chicken in it. The nurse told mom that for the tired days, she won't feel like eating, but dad will and I want to make sure there's something there for them to snack on. If anybody has any recipes they'd like to shoot my way that is nutritious and tasty, please do so! I am not a cook, but am willing to try...

Mom and I talked about eating more organically and how expensive it is. How do you choose what foods that you change to organic? Living off retirement does not allow you to spend tons of money on food. Does anyone have any good books out there to help newly transformed dieters?

Yesterday was good for me, too. I didn't do alot and I think that I may have staved off the cold. I'll call my dad this morning to see how mom is doing and then call Karen to see if she still needs help with picking out window treatments. The Lollar's move in date is January 31. How exciting!!

Tomorrow Brian and I have a "day date" with each other. Just the two of us. I'm very excited to be able to have the chance to spend time with him.

First chemo treatment

I wasn't there for it all, but I'll give you the rundown about what I heard and then what I saw.

Mom and dad got to the Front Range Cancer center at 9:45 a.m. They started her on the premeds and then laid her down for a massage (how's that for relaxing before chemo??) She then had the needle inserted in her port for the IV which wasn't a pleasant feeling, but after yesterday's pain from the drainage removal, she could handle pretty much anything.

I got to Fort Collins around 12:30. Mom was sitting in her chair quite peacefully. I sat down and we talked the entire time. Dad went out to get some lunch and mom and I talked about what happened yesterday and then she gave me the run down what happened in the morning.

Her chemo treatment consists of two drugs- Paclitaxel and Carboplatin. This is the standard treatment that seems to work the best. The Paclitaxel takes the longest to administer, and then the Carbo takes between 30 minutes to an hour.

Mom's next chemo is scheduled for January 28th. This is when she starts her clinical trial of the Avastin which will add 90 minutes to her overall chemo round. This will be the longest chemo treatment (around 6 hours). She will receive 6 rounds of chemo total with a doctor's visit every week this month (checking her vitals and blood tests). We did get her CA125 which was 130 before her first round of chemo. Dad feels as if the CA125 is a good source to see the cancer levels since it has moved from the original number before the surgery. It didn't move in the right direction (those numbers were around 50-80) but dad assures me it's a positive sign that they can use that test to see if the chemo is working. It doesn't make much sense to me, but I'm new to this and dad's been doing a lot more research than I have. I do know that both numbers are very low compared to other cancer patients with PPC that I have read about. I try not to compare because there isn't much of a point, but I do it anyway. We'll find out in a couple of days why there was fluid (a LITER of fluid!!) on her lungs. Her doctor seems to think it doesn't matter if it's cancer or fluid that collected after her surgery because she has started chemo and it will attack whatever cancer is in her body.

We start the waiting game. In about 48 hours we'll see how her body reacts to the standard chemo. We feel good that her body responded as she was receiving the chemo today (no visible signs of problems) and just pray that everything will be okay this coming week.

Mom's spirits are high and she told me today how she has received multiple letters, emails and phone calls and feels so supported during this time...and that she wouldn't have been able to get this far without the love that you all are showing her. Keep it up!! Keep praying, and know that your prayers are working.