IWSG March 2013

Quote of the Day:  Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and adventures are the shadow truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes and forgotten. Neil Gaiman

Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain. Mark Twain

Fear of over-exposure keeps us in the shadows.

Do you call this Shadow Dancing?

 

Do you fear over-exposure as a blogger? As you're trying to build your brand, get your name and your work out there, do you feel blocked by the fear of predators and identity theft? How about the use of photos, of yourself, of your family and friends?

 

I've been pondering these things lately, and it is blocking me. I read many, many blogs and get most of my information online. Some people don't put any personal information or photos on their blogs (Alex Cavanaugh). Others, like me, use my real name and my own photographs. I write about plays that I attend and who accompanies me. I share successes of my children and fun events with friends. My hope is to be a light in this dark world, on and off line.

 

So, for this month's posting for the Insecure Writer's Support Group, I have a question. How much of ourselves can we safely put out into the world?

 

Go. Create. Inspire!

 

Journaling Prompt:  What blocks you as an artist?

It hasn't stopped, the fear

Mom goes in for her CA125 and Pet scan today. Every three months, like clockwork. I really, really try to be optimistic, but know we all will be devastated to hear bad news. She decided to go in today so she could hear results tomorrow and not have to wait the weekend. I also appreciate that. I can't stand the waiting game.

I, along with other cousins, have been coordinating our reunion for this year. It had been mentioned to maybe put it off for another year because it was getting hard to find a place. In the back of my mind, no matter how much I tried not to listen to it, was the thought that we might not HAVE another year. Make the time important! Make it happen!! So, we made it happen and will all be gathering in June.

I don't think of the cancer daily. I can go several days without thinking of it. However, when I hear that a friend's cancer came back, it hits me like a ton of bricks. When I have friends dying, it brings me to tears for so many reasons.

I hate cancer.

Just dealing

Yesterday was a rough one for me. After the shower, and the cry, I felt a bit more focused and was ready to visit my mom. I had made a couple of meals for my mom and dad, and drove over to see them. When I got there, I searched out my mother, and just held her for awhile. After she cried, we got up and talked quite a bit. Her fears are my fears. She wouldn't be as worried about this whole thing if they hadn't already found cancer on other parts of her body. No one with cancer in our family has lived to tell about it. They all have died young.

I didn't cry. I wouldn't. I don't want her to think that I'm cold, I just am afraid if I start crying, that I won't be able to stop when I'm with her. We talked of positive thinking, and having lots to live for. We talked of many things because that's what she needed to do was just to talk about it.

After putting her to bed, I drove to Longmont to pick her up some nightgowns to take back to her house. On the way there, I had a panic attack. I stopped the car and just sat there, then messaged my mother-in-law. She called me right back and talked me through it.

The thing that gets me the most is the total feeling of powerlessness in the situation. I am very much a control freak, and there is absolutely NOTHING I can do to make this better.

Only three more days, then we'll know.