IWSG October 2012

Quote of the Day:  Kind words heal and help, cutting words wound and maim. Proverbs 15:4 (The Message)
And, in another version (ESV) A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Words are powerful. We writers know that. We agonize over the choice of a word or how to turn a phrase. Non-writers know it, too, which is why so many writers are criticized and banned, and sometimes even silenced. If we live in a world of criticism, if those who are closest to us use us as verbal punching bags, our self-worth diminishes. We can't be confident even in the areas where our gifts are the strongest.

While I was at the Women's Retreat at Mount Carmel this fall, Barb, our leader, put a sock monkey on her shoulder and called him her "Critter." Her Critter is resentment. She went on to describe how that Critter affects her mood and how she treats herself and others. She scattered tiny animals on the floor and asked us all to take one and write about our critters.  This is my journal entry, and here is my critter - a gorilla.

 

The Criticism Gorillas rides on my pencil, staring me in the eyes.

 

Criticism Critter is a gorilla. He stands up on his back legs, pounds his chest, and intimidates. He might turn his back on me and show me his backside, walking away from me, abandoning me because I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, self-confident enough. Then, he lifts his head, pulls his lips back from his teeth and laughs an insidious, deep, dark laugh.

 

I'm leaving this forest - NO more gorillas riding on my back!

 

 

What I'm writing about here is destructive criticism, the kind that leaves you feeling beat up. Get out of the relationships that attack who you are and what you do. The world is full of criticism. The artist's life is a set up for rejection. You need to surround yourself with people who give you light and love. They will be in your camp when the No's show up in your inbox. They will tell you that you are always good enough and to keep shining your unique light in this dark world.

Thanks to Alex J. Cavanaugh for starting the Insecure Writer's Support Group. It is good group therapy the first Wednesday of each month.

Go. Create. Inspire!
The world is waiting to hear (read, see) your unique voice.

Journaling Prompt:  What does your critter look and sound like?

Writer's Support Group

Quote of the Day: 

If you stuff yourself full of poems, essays, plays, stories, novels, films, comic strips, magazines, music, you automatically explode every morning like Old Faithful. I have never had a dry spell in my life, mainly because I feed myself well, to the point of bursting. I wake early and hear my morning voices leaping around in my head like jumping beans. I get out of bed quickly, to trap them before they escape. --Ray Bradbury

In the midst of my party prep for my son's graduation, I nearly forgot to contribute to the Insecure Writer's Support Group, hosted by the Super Ninja Blogger Alex J. Cavanaugh.

During this week of prep, I attended a book launch party for local Brainerd area author Theresa M. Jarvela for her debut cozy mystery, Home Sweet Murder. Coordinated by my great friend and Publicist Extraordinaire, Krista Rolfzen Soukup, at Blue Cottage Agency. 

Many special guests were there, but she was most surprised when her daughter walked up to have her book signed. She had traveled all day to arrive on time and support her mama. (Love the finger point!)

The thing is, I can make myself crazy by thinking about and doing all the external prep involved in hosting a party, but the truth is, relationships win out every time. I spent last weekend tidying up the place, washed the floor, put things away, did laundry. Monday, I came home from my workout and all the boys, who are now home for summer vacation, and half the neighborhood boys as well, were having a Nerf gun war in the house - the WHOLE house! The cat was in and out. Dirt was on the floor. Nerf bullets were everywhere, and I just said, "Please clean it up afterwards." So, we'll have a party in my imperfect house, with stray Nerf bullets, a touch of clutter, but filled with fun. I don't have time to stress about the outward appearances. It's too late to powerwash the house and stain the deck. Besides, the most important part is the food, for which I am getting excellent assistance. My good friend helped me find fun decorations - going with a Southwest theme for the party, and it's all about the boy.

So, what does this have to do with the Insecure Writer's Support Group? Everything. We can be insecure about everything we do. We can obsess over the external. But, what we really need to do is connect and keep it real. The clients of Blue Cottage Agency are doing that by attending each other's events. The other authors came to my play. I've been to their readings and launches. I feature them on this blog. I plan to write about them for magazines, or whatever. We are a support network in real time. You readers are a support network in a global and spiritual sense. Thank you.

Go. Create. Inspire!

Journaling Prompt:  What can you do to support local artists in your area?

Cure for the Insecure Writer

Quote of the Day:  Hebrews 12:1

Today's New International Version (TNIV)

¹ Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

This is a great verse to tuck into your back pocket as you persevere through life. The images lift me up. I feel myself moving into that cloud of witnesses and being surrounded by people who love and support me.  They are there for you, too.

On the first Wednesday of every month, Alex J. Cavannaugh is hosting the Insecure Writer's Support Group. I joined right in. Last month, I wrote about feeling like I didn't really belong in the world of playwrights. You can read about it here. Last week, I wrote about feeling afraid to meet the National Players and participate in their improv workshop, but I did it anyway. I describe the experience here.

And, you could have heard the voices in my head screaming ridicule and excuses to convince me not to go to The Guthrie. I mean, who I am to be invited to Blogger Night at The Guthrie? 

But, here I am, standing in front of the theatre, all my insecurities rolling on the highway that lead me here.

Here's the thing. People feel insecure. They're afraid of taking risks, looking imperfect, being vulnerable. Yet, they are longing for new experiences, to live into their authentic lives, and to be a positive force in the world. You can "What if" yourself into isolation and depression, or you can surround yourself with that cloud of witnesses, the people who give you light and love, and go forth with confidence.

Last month, after I posted my insecurities, I went on Facebook and tagged some of the people who had offered encouragement. When I started making that list, I realized that I was surrounded by a cloud of witnesses. I paused. Said a prayer of thanks, and said "Yes!" to the next new opportunity - despite my insecurities.

Go. Create. Inspire!

And, someday soon, Dare!

Journaling Prompt:  Make a list of people who are part of your cloud of witnesses, those who give you strength, support, love and light.

Insecure as a Playwright

Quote of the Day:  I am profoundly uncertain about how to write.  I know what I love or what I like, because it's a direct, passionate response.  But when I write I'm very uncertain whether it's good enough.  That is, of course, the writer's agony. - Susan Sontag

I have joined the Insecure Writer's Support Group started by the super Ninja writer, Alex J. Cavanaugh.  (Click the badge on the right to learn more and read about other writers and their insecurities.)  It started in September, but it was during my birthday week, and I was feeling less insecure at the time, due to all the celebrating, so I'm starting today.  I searched my photos for something to depict the insecurities I feel.

It's not a great shot. I was taking a walk in the neighborhood and brought my camera because we are at peak fall colors.  A car drove by, kicking up dust and creating a haze.  The gravel road, the haze, the dust in my eyes, the thickness in the air as I take a breath - that's what my insecurities feel like.  I'm not sure if I'm even on the right path.

I went to the children's writers conference in Grand Forks, but thought maybe I don't really belong there because I haven't had any books for kids or teens published.  I've been working on a play that is for adults, although I do have an 18-year-old girl in it.

As I was writing my first full-length play, Coffee Shop Confessions, I'd go to the Coco Moon where I imagined it would be performed.  As I walked through the door, I could picture the "real" theater people standing outside, banging on the windows, heckling me, saying "Who are you to write a play?" ha ha ha ha.  "You don't have any training or theater credentials." pfftt. They'd stick out their tongues and make rude gestures.  "You don't belong!" They'd shout.

So, I brought along a friend, at first, to help quiet the voices.  She actually laughed at them. That shut them right up.  I learned. I gained confidence. I heard her always encouraging voice saying, "Of course, you can."  Then, I shut off my inner critic. Snapped her mouth shut and zipped her lip.  I closed the shades on those hecklers, and got down to business.  You see, I had other voices in my head, the voices of my characters, and they wanted to get out. They had stories to tell, lives to share, and relationships to be formed.

And, now, it's done. I'm ready to cast the show and watch it come to life.  Right here, in my local coffee shop.

Here I am explaining my play to this young woman. She's not acting here, she was truly interested.  In fact, she inspired the character Micki.  Also, the photographer is Joey Halvorson who was doing a photo shoot for my article in Her Voice.  Joey's voice offered encouragement that day. She also used it to bring my character Lolly to life at a table reading of the script, and will be Lolly when it's finally performed.

Now, all I can hear in my head is I get by with a little help from my friends! Thanks, Beatles! (JeMA, Joey, Roxane, and all my friends who kept saying, "Of course, you can!")

Journaling Prompt:  Who are your cheerleaders? Who tells you that you can do it? Who quiets those insecure voices in your head?

Writing Support

Quote of the Day:  I like to write when I feel spiteful; it's like having a good sneeze. - D.H. Lawrence

You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country. - Robert Frost

Grammar is a piano I play by ear.  All I know about grammar is its power. Joan Didion

I found those quotes in a little book called Writers on Writing.  I picked it up at a used bookstore in Lincoln City, OR, when I was visiting my sister last summer. (That's Joy in the background looking at funny music books.)

Sometimes, I envy kids because they have so many opportunities handed to them.  Grown-ups have to make their own opportunities. Take last week's Young Authors Conference.  The kids could choose from 18 different presentations by professional authors.  In fact, we were all wishing we could rove around and sit in on each other's classes. They were diverse and interesting and filled with inspiration.  They could learn about Jackhammers and Mount Rushmore, sharing secrets, and writing scenes for a screenplay, to name a few. I would have loved being a kid that day.

Where do you turn for inspiration? Have you taken any classes lately?  Used any online services?  One place students can go is college support services.  We visit blogs, read about other's success, buy the craft books, take courses, and attend workshops.

My idea of a great vacation would be to escape to a camp for grown-ups who like to create things.  We'd have theatre games, time to write, time to interact, great food, campfires with wild, imaginative stories, late night swims, and a bit of romance.

Ya, that's the kind of summer camp I'd sign up for.

Journaling Prompt:  Where do you go for support and inspiration?  Do you want to join me in my virtual summer camp?  Have you ever been to a camp or retreat center that nurtures your creativity?  Your sense of romance?

Train - Calling All Angels

Quote of the Day:  I need a sign. from Calling All Angels by Train

I was part of a discussion the other day on seeing signs that a Higher Power is at work in our lives.  People say that they pray that they will see a sign, maybe a ray of sunshine on a gloomy day, or a phone call, or that they'll get an affirmation for their work or art.  I've often said, It would be helpful if God would just send me an email. (If you have God's email, please forward it to me, thanks!)

Signs happen every day.  The problem is we aren't always open to seeing them and experiencing them for what they are.  Whatever it is that you are hoping for, dreaming about, working towards, put it out to the universe.  Write it down.  Name it. Claim it.  Then, be open for the signs that it CAN happen.  People will walk into your life who can help you.  Ideas will flow.  The words of affirmation will come from supportive friends.

My artist date this week is two-fold.  I sent in an application to a writer's workshop held by Highlights Foundation (remember Highlights for Children with the hidden pictures).  They put on workshops for aspiring writers.  I signed up for the one on writing novels for young adults.  Here's the link if you're feeling inspired to spend a long weekend with your novel and a nurturing teacher.  They have other workshops, too, just browse around.  I'm living in a small-ish town that doesn't have a traditional city center/post office.  So, I made a trip to the gas station which is also the post office, and sent off my app.  (applause!)

Here's the second part of my artist date.  I made a new journal for myself.  I started with a composition book, covered it, and voila!

Front cover

back cover

Choose a pen and dig in!

It will be quiet here at Play off the Page for about a week.  Time for me to Play off the Page in real life and spend some time with family and enjoy all that summer has to offer.

Journey on!

Journaling Prompt:  As you're watching for "signs" this week, jot them down.  See what amazing power is working in your life to make all things possible.

The Committee

Quote of the Day:  Go boldly in the direction of your dreams; live the life you've imagined. - Henry David Thoreau

Here are a couple of dreamers.  JeMA paints amazing abstract art.  She is on the path to "make it" as an artist.  There I am sitting next to her, wearing my Scriptfrenzy t-shirt, my fingers have just left the keys on my laptop.  We're sitting at the coffee shop where I write my play, Coffee Shop Confessions, and where we dream together. 

We need each other because sometimes those negative voices in our heads get really loud.  I call them "The Committee."  They are the Devil voices that tell you you're not good enough.  They say things like, "Who are you to make it as an artist."  I hit a low point last fall after attending a writer's conference.  Then, I came home and wrote about the struggle of an artist for our local women's magazine, Her Voice.  (Click on the link which will take you to my article. It's on two pages, so click next, or pages 28-29.  You can also enlarge the text by clicking on it.  The cover story is on a local group of doctors and friends who went to Haiti.)

This story is for anyone who has ever felt insecurities about who you are and where you can go in pursuit of your creative dreams.

Dream on!

Journaling Prompt: What creative dreams do you have for yourself?  What have you done to make them a reality?

True Friend

Quote of the Day:  A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. - William Arthur Ward

These little guys will be 10 years old next week.  When they were born, my oldest son was six, and my second son was two.  We get more sleep, now, but those were exhausting times back then.  I needed family support and friend support and good, old-fashioned advice and sympathy from all the Grandmas in the neighborhood.

In church last Sunday, the pastor's message (at least the part that stuck in my head) was on the tests and trials of family and friends.  It's easy to be there for someone when the times are good, come to the celebrations, help them plan a party.  Then, there are the times when it's a little harder.  The chaos of walking into a home filled with four small children takes a great deal of courage and energy.  What about the times when friends and family are in crisis and they need a loving voice to say something needs to change.  Or, they're hurting physcially and emotionally.  Can you be that rock for them when the waves of life are crashing over their heads?

Last week, we learned that President Obama wants to pass laws that allow a more open visitation policy in hospitals.  What has been restricted to blood relatives and spouses, needs to be open to close friends and life partners.  I was thinking, why does that need to be a law?  Why would you tell someone to go away and not show love and support to their friend?  What about the people who don't have blood relatives to come take care of them and visit them?  What about the people who aren't married in the traditional sense?  Why do we need laws to allow compassion and love in the time of greatest need?

People who love you need and want to be at your side whether you're on your birthbed or your deathbed, as you experience the first breath of life, or hear the last.  Theirs is the hand that reaches into the pit and pulls you up.  Thank you, God, for the gift of friendship.

Journaling Prompt:  Remember a time when you were in need and a friend was at your side.  Write a thank you.  Or, describe a time when you were there for someone. 

Beautiful Savior

Quote of the Day:  1 Thessalonians 5:11 (The Message)

9-11God didn't set us up for an angry rejection but for salvation by our Master, Jesus Christ. He died for us, a death that triggered life. Whether we're awake with the living or asleep with the dead, we're alive with him! So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you'll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you're already doing this; just keep on doing it.

(A little finger flair as I accompany my little sister's beautiful voice at a concert, summer 2009.  Music of the '40s, like Change Partners and Dance, Moon River, and Sisters)

Last summer my little sister, Joy, traveled from her home in Portland, OR to Minnesota to visit and do a concert.  She asked me to accompany her.  At first, I was excited to do it, but the closer it came, the worse I felt.  I had lost my self-confidence and didn't know where to find it.  (Sort of like Little Bo Peep and her sheep.)  I've been playing the piano since I was seven years old.  I started playing for the early morning church service at my little country church when I was in the 7th grade.  I accompanied my school choir, countless soloists in voice and band, and yet, I'd lost it.  I continued to play even when I didn't have anything to practice for, while I was having babies, plunking out a few tunes in between feedings and diaper changes.  I could always play the piano, no matter what my mood or situation.  It's what saved me from the pit.

Then, I had a few set-backs.  My ex-husband used to say that my playing gave him a headache.  After I divorced that negative voice, I put myself back out there on the piano bench at my church.  I did not get the support there that I needed.  In fact, I was literally told that I was not good enough.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH!

Do you know what awful damage those words do?  Do you hear them in your own head?  Do people in your life say them to you?

They're wrong.  They're mean.  They're coming from their own damaged souls.

I told my little sister that I couldn't do it.  "Maybe your old accompanist is available," I said.

"No, Mary," she said, "You're the one.  I want you to accompany me.  You are good enough.  You need to be the rock."  The accompanist is the support for the singer.  In this case, the singer was the support for the accompanist.  My eyes mist up even as I type this.

I'll be playing piano for Palm Sunday service at a new church where I'm honored, appreciated and told, "Of course, you'll play."  I was a little nervous about playing.  I suggested that someone else might be better equipped.  I mean, Palm Sunday is about the most important worship service.  It tells the whole story of the One who walked the broken road before us.  Who carried our burdens on His shoulders, and who came back from the darkness to reclaim life and give us hope.  Who am I to play out that message?

But then, I heard it, the voice that says, "Of course you can."

Journaling Prompt:  Can you be that voice, the rock, that supports another person? Have you heard it?  Listen for it.  It's for you, too.