Review of Tribes at The Guthrie Theater

Quote of the Day:  Two quotes from Helen Keller
Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.

Literature is my utopia. Here I am not disenfranchised. No barrier of the senses shuts me out from the sweet, gracious discourses of my book friends. They talk to me without embarrassment or awkwardness. 

The cast of the Guthrie Theater's production of Tribes, by Nina Raine. Directed by Wendy C. Goldberg, set design by Alexander Dodge, costume design by Anne Kennedy and lighting design by Josh Epstein. October 5 - November 10, 2013 on the McGuire Proscenium Stage at the Guthrie Theater, Minneapolis. Photo by T. Charles Erickson.

Tribes, written by British playwright Nina Raine, is a contemporary play set in North London about family, love, and living with different abilities. The above photo shows the entire cast. Mom, Dad, three kids, Daniel, Ruth, and Billy, and Billy's girlfriend, Sylvia. Naturally, they are sitting at the table, having dinner with Sylvia for the first time, and the drama ensues. Billy is the only deaf person in a hearing family. His mom, Beth, taught him how to speak and lip read. He doesn't sign to communicate. Sylvia is a hearing child born to deaf parents. In her family, it is genetic, and she watched her sister go from hearing to deaf. She is now becoming deaf and already knows how to sign very well because she grew up signing with her parents. She doesn't lip read very well. It is amazing to watch Billy's and Sylvia's worlds coming together and how his family reacts. 

This play, which is so much about communication, shows how hard it is for people to communicate with each other, no matter what language they're trying to use. The cast (family) is literally surrounded by words. The set looks like the inside of a library. Books line the walls from floor to ceiling. The parents are writers and readers. Daniel is working on his thesis. Ruth is trying to interpret the French lyrics to an opera song that she is learning. Billy is learning sign language, and Sylvia is learning to lip read and to adjust to another way of living and communicating.

Interestingly, the language that some of the characters use is crude, which could shut out and offend some audience members. And, yet, what is not spoken packs an even more powerful punch. While I wouldn't be comfortable watching this show with anyone younger than a high school student, I think that all ages can relate to trying to fit into all kinds of dynamics and worlds around them. In my favorite scene from the play, Sylvia admits that she can no longer hear the nuances of music. It is all becoming noise to her. Then, she sits down at the piano and begins to play. The family surrounds her, shutting out Billy, and as she strikes each chord, the books around them light up. It was fascinating to watch. It's like her music connected with other ways of communicating, and it made me think how one art form inspires another. Maybe, as one way of communicating disappears, another appears.

Tribes is a play for anyone who has ever felt misunderstood. It is about dysfunctional love, and how we all have barriers and ways of coping and loving and living. It is playing at the Guthrie Theater, October 5 - November 10, 2013. This cast is phenomenal in bringing Nina Raine's story to life. These six people: John McGinty, Sally Wingert, Tracey Maloney, Stephen Schnetzer, Hugh Kennedy, and Anna Reichert, really seem like a family with all its quirks and ways of loving each other and pushing each other away. The Guthrie has done well to bring this contemporary play by a female playwright to its stage and a new story for its audiences to enjoy and find a connection. Well done.

Go. Create. Inspire!

Journaling Prompt:  What barriers have you had to overcome?

Minnesota Renaissance Festival, 2013

Quote of the Day:  Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself - and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is.  Jim Morrison

Oktoberfest was the theme at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival, so we went because sometimes, you just need to get away, spend time together in a relaxed, unscheduled way, and enjoy. I spent a considerable amount of time this morning looking for a quote on getting away, attending festivals, getting dressed up and going out, but found nothing that fit. The above quote has little to do with any of that. It's just a good quote. In other words, be yourself, and hang out with people who embrace who you are. In some ways, that's what the Renfest encourages. You see all kinds of folks there, dressed up like fairies, pirates, knights, wenches, dragon-slayers, whatever is their fancy. I saw Moms & Dads and the kids all dressed up and having a good time. Couples of every kind were spending time together, buying cool stuff, and eating giant turkey legs. (That was the biggest food line!)

We tried on vests, then had to have'em!

Thanks for the birthday present!

The Chef, sportin' the colors!

Intense on the "Puke and Snot" show. 

They've been performing here every summer since 1974.

I got fun festival hair again!

I wish it would last longer!

When I took it out on Monday night, my hair puffed out like Hermione's in the potions class scene in the Harry Potter movie!

I think these two were headed to the Fairy Wing Forest!

We picked another large crowd day!

Great weather, fun theme, and much to see and do!

This performer has a trained raven. If you held out a coin, he'd pluck it out of your fingers with his beak.

A cask-totin' turtle.

I hope you have a chance to get out to a festival or fair, or some other social gathering. It's a hoot to watch the performers and the people. There are definitely some characters out there!

Go. Create. Inspire!

Journaling Prompt:  Do you dress up for festivals? What would you wear if you dared? Where do you get ideas for characters?

Open a Songbook - Review of Broadway Songbook at The Ordway in St. Paul, MN

Quote of the Month: Open the window in the center of your chest and let the spirits fly in and out. Rumi
(My theme for this year's A to Z Challenge
 is Open.)

Millie and Willie Cottonpoly, a sock puppet creation, are here to tell you their story during the April A to Z Blogging Challenge. 
The Cottonpolys enjoy all types of entertainment. I am an entertainment reviewer, and they have started to accompany me to events. Since I'm still in the A to Z Challenge and the Cottonpolys have taken over blogging, I'll let them tell you the highlights of The Broadway Songbook at The Ordway Performing Arts Center in St. Paul, MN.

Willie and Millie Cottonpoly enjoyed a slice of Galaxy cake at Great Waters Brewing Co. before attending The Broadway Songbook at The Ordway.

Willie:  It was out of this world delicious!

 

The Broadway Songbook is an ongoing series at The Ordway Performing Arts Center in St. Paul, MN. April 19-28, they are featuring the music of Cole Porter. 

 

As the first strains of music ripple through the air...

Willie:  (sits up a little straighter in his seat and whispers to Millie) Let's Misbehave. (chuckles)

 

Millie:  I think that song sums up Cole Porter's attitude towards life and writing music.

 

Willie:  (doing a little toe tapping in his seat) Mine too.

 

Millie:  (quietly sings along to the next song) Let's do it. Let's fall in love. (leans a little closer to Willie) That's the song that was running through my mind while we were courting.

 

Willie:  I like this one about Cherry Pies.

 

Millie:  It's a cute one.

 

Willie:  (singing along) You're the icing they put on my cake. (gives Millie a little squeeze)

 

Millie:  It's DeLovely

 

Willie:  It's delicious.

 

Millie:  It's delightful.

 

Willie:  It's delirious.

 

Millie:  These performers really bring Cole Porter's songs to life.

 

Willie:  Ain't bad to look at either.

 

Millie:  Don't get distracted by all the glitter and glitz, it's their voices and performance that tell the story of these songs.

 

Willie:  I like all those food songs.

 

Millie:  What?

 

Willie:  You're the top...you're a Waldorf salad.

 

Millie:  (smiling)

 

Willie:  You're sublime. You're a turkey dinner.

 

Millie:  That Cole Porter was a good lyricist.

 

Willie:  You're the top. You're a dance in Bali. You're the top. You're a hot tamale!

 

Millie:  Willie, shh. (smiles)

 

Willie:  You're Lady Astor. You're broccoli. Huh? That one could go either way.

 

Millie:  No romance is perfect. Sometimes it's Hot Tamales. Sometimes it's broccoli.

 

Willie:  What are your favorite Cole Porter songs, Millie?

 

Millie:  I have two. I love the sound of So in Love, the words are all about how deep in love he is, but with a melody that haunts. Night and Day is a beautiful marriage of words and melody.

 

Willie:  Those lyrics about it being only you beneath the moon or under the sun, whether near to me or far... I think of you. That's our song, Darling.

 

Millie:  (nods) I hope everyone feels so in love when they go to this performance. It's wunderbar!

 

 

***************

 

Go. Create. Inspire!

 

The Broadway Songbook featuring the music of Cole Porter is at The Ordway April 19-28. Followed soon by a production of Anything Goes, May 7-12. Millie and Willie Cottonpoly already have it marked on their calendar! Go to The Ordway for more info. and to buy your tickets!

 

Journaling Prompt:  What songs bring out the romance in you? What songs were playing when you fell in love?

 

Happiness is...

Quote of the Day:  lyrics from the musical You're a Good Man Charlie Brown, the Happiness Song:

Happiness is finding a pencil

Pizza with sausage

telling the time

Happiness is learning to whistle

tying your shoe for the very first time

Happiness is playing the drum in your own school band

And Happiness is walking hand in hand

Happiness is two kinds of ice cream

Knowing a secret

Climbing a tree

Happiness is five different crayons

Catching a firefly

Setting him free

Happiness is being alone every now and then

And, happiness is coming home again

Happiness is morning and evening

Daytime and nighttime too

For happiness is anyone and anything at all

that's loved by you

How was your Thanksgiving weekend? Mine left me singing this song. Here are a few things that I'd add to that list:

Happiness is dinner with family

Bobby and Zachary,

Charlie and Eric, too.

Happiness is Leo on my lap

A long winter's nap

A hot cup of brew!

Happiness is a brand new drum

A song to hum

Sharing them with you!

Happiness is being at home

Being an artist

Living the dream!

I started this blog post at 6:00 a.m.

Then, I had an idea for the photo.

I had to wait for the sun to rise.

Tried a few shots indoors.

Didn't turn out.

I had three takes outside.

This one is the winner.

The slightly pinkish glow is from the the sunrise.

Happiness is waiting for the sunrise,

pausing to enjoy it,

and capturing a great photo.

If I had shopped at all this weekend, it would have been on Small Business Saturday. All I got that day was a cup of coffee at a locally owned shop. Mint mocha....mmm. Love the owners there! I bought the drum, a djembe, from the downtown music store last week.  I need it for music at my church. Love chatting about music with Don at Bridge of Harmony! Then, I slipped over to Downtown Art & Frame where I bought paint and drooled over the fancy fibrous and textured paper. I used some of the paper I already had for my nieces' Christmas journal. Our family is passing journals around this fall, writing in them, or making an art page as in my case, then, the last person to have the journal wraps it up and gives it to the owner at Christmas. It's the best gift ever!

How's your shopping going?

Go. Create. Inspire!

Journaling Prompt:  What's on your 'Happiness' list?

Brand New Smile

Favorite Photos Friday

Quote of the Day: You make me dance like a fool, forget how to breathe, shine like gold, buzz like a bee...oh, you make me smile. lyrics from Smile by Uncle Kracker

When his young lad was 13 and a half years old and just about to enter the 8th grade, he got his braces on.

Four year, two months, 20 days, and a few major life changes later, he got them off.

Now, he's a senior in high school, 17 and a half years old, and applying to colleges for Engineering.

Next up, Senior Pictures.

(*confession* When I listened to that Uncle Kracker song and started writing, I shed a few mom tears. What can I say, my first-born, my right-hand man, is growing up and moving on. Send Kleenex, graduation day will come way too soon!)

Journaling Prompt:  Did you ever have to wait a really long time for something to change? And, even though it was for the better, you had to go through some discomfort to get there?  If any of your chicks have left the nest, please send advice. Thanks.

Go. Create. Inspire! and Smile!!



Gratitude

Quote of the Day:  I feel grateful to be a woman. Ginny, from our Women's Retreat last weekend.

We were gathered in a circle on Sunday morning for our exit session. We went around and reflected on meaningful moments of the retreat and how we were feeling.  When Ginny said that, I said, "Halleluiah!"  We are most at peace when we embrace who we are, feel whatever we need to feel, and show our love for one another.

I'm feeling grateful for my journey, for my four sons who are a delight and an inspiration.  I love watching and listening to them interact. I smile everytime I hear the twins snap off their reading lights and wish each other a "Good night." I'm happy when my bigger boys hang out together and enjoy each other's company. I'm feeling grateful to be a woman and a mom.

And, for my Friday Favorite Photo: I'm grateful that Leo, the Great White Hunter, came to live with us. He's already left us several gifts from his recent hunting quests. Thanks, Leo, Keep up the good work!

Journaling Prompt:  What are you feeling grateful for today?

A Matter of Minutes

Quote of the Day:  May the Lord make your love for one another and for all people grow and overflow, just as our love for you overflows. 1 Thessalonians 3:12

We cannot begin to make sense of man's inhumanity to man. What happened in the United States of America ten years ago shattered our sense of security.  We were reminded just how vulnerable and fragile we are.  I was home with three small children, watching and crying over the news. I turned on the tv in time to see the firefighters rush into the towers, and then get crushed in their collapse. My seven-year-old came home from school worrying about tall buildings. I assured him that the tallest "building" in our tiny town of Parkers Prairie was the water tower, but he was afraid.

The short play, THE MIRACULOUS DAY QUARTET (under 10 min.), written by a "sister" member of International Centre for Women Playwrights, shows us what a difference of a few minutes makes.

Thank you, Mary Steelsmith, for sharing this with me and my blog readers.  Click over to the Youtube link. (I had problems embedding it. Maybe it was the length.)

Go. Create. Inspire! And, may your love conquer evil.

Journaling Prompt:  What were you doing on Sept. 11, 2001? What details of that event left strong images in your heart and mind?

I Left my Bra in Omaha

Quote of the Day:  So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline.  Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.  Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing. And cultivate thankfulness. Let the Word of Christ - the Message - have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense. And sing, sing your hearts out to God! Let every detail in your lives - words, actions, whatever - be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way. from The Message, Colossians 3:12-17

I wore that uncomfortable bra all the way from Brainerd to Omaha.  The under wire was poking near my underarm.  It was rubbing me the wrong way!  I needed to discard that old thing. Although no one else really sees it, I'd know that what was underneath the outer covering needed to feel and look right.  Purge out the old, put on something new!

I accompanied my friend on an inward-outward journey to Omaha because what's inside of her has been rubbing her the wrong way for years.  She suffers from depression, grew up in an alcoholic home, and is working very hard at getting healthy and living an authentic life.  She was willing to go alone and meet with a highly skilled therapist who lives there.  I thought about how hard that would be, to face your inner demons, then go to a hotel room all alone at night.  I offered to be her travel companion. I gave her the gift of a loving friend.

While she counseled for two days for inner healing, to shed the old nettles that poked and prodded her life, I went shopping.  Yes, I experienced retail therapy.  Nothing like getting a new bra to lift your spirits.  But, I also took time for myself - read a book, took a nap.  Something many moms neglect to do.  I hadn't made myself so unavailable to my kids in years.  Their Dad had to make arrangements to be "on call" for them.  As you know, we tend to have an emergency now and then!

What's underneath your outer appearance has everything to do with the way you feel.  If it's ugly and broken, purge it, and try on something new.  If you need a professional to help you figure it out, don't be afraid to ask for help.  You deserve to have a life filled with good people, healthy living, comfort and peace.

On a related subject, Jeannie Campbell is a writer/therapist whose blog The Character Therapist is filled with great insight into people's/character's psyches.  A recent post is on the top 10 reason's characters stay in abusive relationships.  Please read it and share the info with someone who needs it. Thanks.

Journaling Prompt:  Is there something in your life that's rubbing you the wrong way?  What can you do for yourself today?  What can you do to show love to a friend?

True Friend

Quote of the Day:  A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities. - William Arthur Ward

These little guys will be 10 years old next week.  When they were born, my oldest son was six, and my second son was two.  We get more sleep, now, but those were exhausting times back then.  I needed family support and friend support and good, old-fashioned advice and sympathy from all the Grandmas in the neighborhood.

In church last Sunday, the pastor's message (at least the part that stuck in my head) was on the tests and trials of family and friends.  It's easy to be there for someone when the times are good, come to the celebrations, help them plan a party.  Then, there are the times when it's a little harder.  The chaos of walking into a home filled with four small children takes a great deal of courage and energy.  What about the times when friends and family are in crisis and they need a loving voice to say something needs to change.  Or, they're hurting physcially and emotionally.  Can you be that rock for them when the waves of life are crashing over their heads?

Last week, we learned that President Obama wants to pass laws that allow a more open visitation policy in hospitals.  What has been restricted to blood relatives and spouses, needs to be open to close friends and life partners.  I was thinking, why does that need to be a law?  Why would you tell someone to go away and not show love and support to their friend?  What about the people who don't have blood relatives to come take care of them and visit them?  What about the people who aren't married in the traditional sense?  Why do we need laws to allow compassion and love in the time of greatest need?

People who love you need and want to be at your side whether you're on your birthbed or your deathbed, as you experience the first breath of life, or hear the last.  Theirs is the hand that reaches into the pit and pulls you up.  Thank you, God, for the gift of friendship.

Journaling Prompt:  Remember a time when you were in need and a friend was at your side.  Write a thank you.  Or, describe a time when you were there for someone. 

Who's Your Sunshine?

Quote of the Day:  I got sunshine on a cloudy day.  When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May.  from My Girl by The Temptations

I received the Sunshine award from Laurel's Leaves on Mon. April 12.  It feels good to be someone's sunshine.  My boys let me know that I'm their sunshine when they smile at my presence - in the classroom, fieldtrips, when they wake up from surgery (3 out of the 4), when I welcome them home after school or when they've been gone.  They're my sunshine, too.

The Temptations sing about "My Girl" how she's the sunshine for that guy. Sometimes I change the words and say: Who can make me feel that way? My guys!  I heard this song when I was a kid.  It came out before I was born, thank you very much, and it's been played often, shown up in some great movies.  It's the song that little girls listen to and think, That's what I want.  I want to be someone's sunshine.

Journaling Prompt:  Who has made you feel sunshine on a cloudy day?  What did that person do to make you feel loved?

The first time I sang a solo at church, My Guys clapped, and when I sat down, one of them gave me a big kiss!

I am Loved, and so are YOU!

Quote of the Day: (from a song I learned very young) I am loved.  You are loved.  I can risk loving you.  For the One who knows me best, loves me most.

Over the past week, I have been gifted with more blog-friend awards, and several new followers.  I do feel loved.  Even as my confidence was slipping, I could feel that lifting up.  I clicked over to YouTube to have a listen to Josh Groban singing, You Raise Me Up.  That did raise up my spirits.  The video is beautiful.  YouTube popped up more by J. Groban.  This one is called You are Loved (Don't Give Up).  It's also great.  So, have a listen.  Read about my supportive bloggies below, and follow your passions today with reckless abandon!  Thanks for reading my words.

This one is from Sarahjayne Smith whose blog, Writing in the Wilderness is full of good news and sunshine.  We are fairly new bloggies and enjoy each other's posts.  Thanks, Sarahjayne!

I'll pass the Sunshine award on to Kristin Torres-Toro at Write in the Way.  Her blog is full of beautiful pictures from her travels, and words of honest wisdom on her writing and life journey.

This award comes with a request for a list of what you, Like, Hate, and Love. I'm just going with one of each.

I like coffee with friends.

I hate being alone so much.

I love my boys.

That pretty much sums it up!

This one come from Charmaine Clancy whose blog Wagging Tales is much fun.  She's writing from Down Under.  I think it is so cool to connect with someone on the other end of the globe.  It makes the world seem smaller and filled with many people all over who could be my friend.  She's writing YA mysteries and offers great writing advice and resources.  She also has a contest going right now.

I'll pass this award along to Kim at Kim's Ponderings Beyond Breast Cancer.  Do you know anyone who could use encouragement?  Kim is a strong survivor who wants to help.

Jen Daiker at Unedited gave me this one.  She has a great spirit.  I sense her enthusiasm for writing and connecting wherever I see her name.  She comments at many of the blog homes that I also visit. 

Laurel Garver at Laurel's Leaves also gave me this award.  She is busy editing and connecting.  She offers so much to us writer.  When she writes about characters, I feel myself thinking about real life characters, too, and the connections we make along the journey.  So happy to connect with you, Laurel!

And, Prolific bloggers?  Wow.  Most of you who read this blog are prolific.  Go ahead and take this award and feel blessed.  I'll post our connection.  And, to get the blog rolling, I'll mention Elana Johnson (huge blog, just take a peak), Journaling Woman who has two blogs (the other one is Ruralhood), and my best writer-mama-pal Roxane.  I feel like I should share the love a little more, but this post has already taken too long.  Love you all!

Journaling Prompt: What do you do when you need a lift?  What music boosts your mood?  Who do you call?  What do you read?

Reckless Love

Quote of the Day: 
Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal. John 12:25 (The Message)

(Photo of friend, Pete Woit, jumping off a bridge.

Of course, that's not me!  I'd be way too terrifed.)

Being reckless in your love must be something like leaping off a bridge, or jumping out of an airplane, and praying that the chute opens.  What would you need in order to make that leap?  What kind of equipment would you pack?  Who would be there with you?  In my case, who would push me out and listen to my scream all the way down?

To me, thinking about dating after divorce feels a bit like being pushed out of an airplane.  I'm about to land in a foreign country where I don't speak the language and I don't understand the customs.  I mean, how do you even say hello?  A nod, a handshake, a kiss, and if so, where?

The verse I quote at the top of this post isn't just about romantic love.  It's about being reckless in your love for all people.  People in foreign countries who are hurting from natural disasters.  People inside cultures that oppress and abuse.  People in lands where war is the norm and peace is a distant dream.  What would it take to be reckless in your love to your neighbors who do things differently than you do?  What kind of equipment would you need to reach out to someone in a difficult situation?  Who would be there to help you?

Journaling Prompt: What does it mean to you to be reckless in your love?

Conveying the bigger picture

Yesterday was a tough one. I knew Corrin had done something and was waiting to talk to him when he got home. He admitted it (which, I have to give him credit for) but didn't see why what he did was wrong. After discussing it in length (read screaming at each other) I think he finally understood the point I was making.

Parenthood. Where you swallow your anger and try to get through the point you are trying to teach them. It's not all about us vs. them, it's about teaching them right from wrong. Teenagers have the us vs. them mentality, and I try so hard to work around that obstacle before laying down the laws of the world. Parents know nothing. They know everything. Conversations include, "Well you're thinking" or "You were going to say" or "You never listen" when really, we're just in a rush to say our point of view before listening to the other. I had to step back, take a breath, and apologize for interrupting, because he was right. I interrupted because I saw where he THOUGHT I was coming from, and I felt he was wrong. However, it's not about ME...but what he perceives, and the lesson I'm trying to teach.

One thing about Corrin and I, we scream, we yell and then it's over. There's no hard feelings (I think!!!) and we move on. He did accuse me of just wanting to get in an argument because I told him he could yell at me as long as he would TELL ME WHAT WAS ON HIS MIND!!! I told him I'm not much for yelling, but if we got to the truth of the matter, than that's what had to happen. I know a lot of people don't agree with the scream and yell method, but the outcome is what I strive for. Understanding. Agreement. Solidarity. Forgiveness. Love.

It's interesting to me, because I think everyone needs to learn how to speak their mind. You can do it plainly, and lovingly, without destroying relationships in the long run. You can tell people, "you pissed me off the other day, and I'd like to talk about it" without the world falling apart. You also can be the first to say, "I know I hurt you, and I am deeply sorry". As long as we do this for the relationship, rather than our own pride or agenda, the end result should be forgiveness.

Hourglass

Card shopping has become an extremely hard thing to do when I'm buying one for my mom. I feel as if I should go shop for them around midnight so no one is around to see me bawl my eyes out. Every card I looked at made my eyes tear up, and I looked like a ninny. I picked out a card for my mom that essentially said, "what would I do without you" because it's STILL on my mind. What would my life be like without her in it?? She cried while reading it, because she wondered, as I did, if she'd make it to her next birthday. I cried while buying it, because the words rang so true.

No card ever says it all. There are no words to say how thankful I am that I have another year with her. There is no card that says everything that I feel needs to be said. I don't have the words to be able to express how deep my love is for her.

I try not to hear a clock slowly ticking time down, reminding us that our time together could be short. Instead, I try to appreciate each and every moment that we have together. Not as it would be our last, but enjoy it like it's a first. We don't know what God's plan is for mom. She has a 50% chance to survive this cancer five years. If she passes that five year mark, we're in the clear. It's amazing how struggle and pain makes you appreciate life so much more. We have an appointment for a pedicure on Tuesday (mom's first...I'm going all out) and it brings a smile to my face to think about being there as she experiences it. How could she NOT love it?

Today, it was a good day. Happy Birthday, mom.

Perception

Sometimes, I would like to scream at the world, "YOU DON'T KNOW ME!!!" and then realize, I don't know myself.

Changing of the seasons

After enduring very cold temperatures ENTIRELY too early last week, we received a blessing of 80's yesterday and 70's today. I STILL haven't finished planting my bulbs, but am now blaming it on this cold that won't quite make up it's mind if it's going to be a full blown cold, or just make me tired and cough a lot. I'm running on empty.

I should be napping, because that's what you do when you're sick, but instead I'm sitting in the shade, listening to the light breeze move my Aspen trees. They are almost completely gold right now. The weather has been just perfect for the trees to change this year.

For some reason, I've been reflecting a lot on the past year. My mother's cancer, my best friend being in Iraq for a year, friends, Brian's job loss, other family members...a LOT has happened since this time last year. I hold my head up high with no regrets on either my actions nor my feelings. I look back and know that I have gained more appreciation for the little things, and smiles come easier to my face. I have unconsiously (or maybe consiously) removed little things out of my life that caused me greater stress than I was able to take, and have vowed to be sweeter with my words and my thoughts.

I miss my boys since they've started school. I see how separation between mother and sons is bound to happen, and nod knowingly. I think it's natural, even necessary, for the man to fall in love with a woman and leave his mother behind, but they are a part of me and never can be fully severed. I rejoice in them finding their new love, however, and will continuously praise God for whenever that should happen. I know this is early to think about, but as my young son becomes a teenager, I can feel the separation starting already. Wanting to share things with his friends rather than his parents. Again, I know this is completely normal (I wanted nothing to do with my mother and father as a teenager) but it's forshadowing what soon will come.

My husband is working a lot lately. I appreciate his job, appreciate it so much more before the Holidays. It allows us to breathe easier with health insurance and maybe a little bit of a bonus sometime next year. I appreciate how this company has made a change in my husband. He walks taller, with a broader step. He continuously is reminded how much he is needed at work and has more self confidence...something that I never was able to give him...but am so happy he is attaining it. I miss him, too.

With fall coming to an end too soon, I reflect. I administer. I love. I hope to find more of myself this upcoming year.

Memorable quote

I read a book yesterday by one of my favorite authors James Patterson. Mr. Patterson normally writes suspenseful mysteries or murder crime books and I love them, but yesterday I picked up a book called Sundays at Tiffany's,

The book was written after a statement that Mr. Patterson's son had said when very young. "Love means you can never be apart." During the book, that theme resonated and it was actually a love story, but boy, did that statement affect me like no other.

What does it mean to love? For me, there are quite a few different kinds of love. You've got your agape. Your unconditional. Your eros. Platonic. Familial. Religious. The way a mother loves her child. When looking up the definition, it's hard to define what love truly is. To really know, is to have really loved.

"Love isn't blind, it just only sees what matters."

"Love is friendship, friendship is love.
If love fails, friendship should remain.
For friendship is the foundation of love."

"A meeting between two beings
who complete one another,
who are made for
each other, borders already,
in my opinion, on a miracle."

"Love is like an eternal flame,
Once it is lit, it will continue to burn for all time."

These are, of course, talking of the eros love, but the idea is the same with all loves. Once you really feel love, it won't leave you. It will stay with you forever.

With all that is happening in my life, I need to remember this. Loss is huge. All encompassing. However, the idea of love never being able to be taken away from you is so powerful, it heals my heart.

14 years

Yeah, I'll toot my own horn a bit. I think it's huge to make it this far in this day and age. Divorce still at 50%. Absolutely asinine. People ask me how do we do it, and so I'm going to write a bit of sage advice that I've learned from 14 years of marriage. Here goes:

1. Communication. All old married couples say this, but it's absolutely true. I don't care if it's a knock down fight or quietly expressing your views, you've got to communicate. WITH this, you have to listen and respect the views of your spouse. If it's all one-sided, it ceases to be communication and becomes nagging.

2. Absolutely believe your spouse is capable of anything. My hubby is my warrior. The smartest and most talented man on the face of this Earth. I believe if he wants something, he can achieve it. He's superman. I'm his biggest fan.

3. Don't belittle your spouse. Respect one another with what you say to each other.

4. Love them with everything you have so it withstands the bad days. You're gonna have them. Annoying little habits. Saying trite things. This is YOU I'm talking abnout. You expect your spouse to love you even though you make mistakes, don't they deserve the same love back?

5. Make your spouse number one. I have a hard time with this one. Three kids to occupy my time. Family everywhere. He still needs to be the first thing I think about in the morning and before I go to bed.

6. Find things to do together that you both enjoy.

7. Love their mother-in-law or at least put up with her with a smile on your face.

8. Make time for each other.

9. Say "I love you" everyday before they leave for work, the house, etc. You never know if it's the last thing you'll say to them.

10. Don't ever let them hear you talk ill of them in front of another person.

11. Having God in your marriage.