The One Who Was Born on Pearl Harbor Day

Quote of the Day:  Naming My Daughter by Patricia Fargnoli

In the Uruba tribe of Africa, children are

named not only at birth but throughout their

lives by their characteristics and the events

that befall them.

The one who took hold in the cold night

The one who kicked loudly

The one who slid down quickly in the ice storm

She who came while the doctor was eating dessert

New one held up by heels in the glare

The river between two brothers

Second pot on the stove

Princess of a hundred dolls

Hair like water falling beneath moonlight

Strides into the day

She who runs away with motorcycle club president

Daughter kicked with a boot

Daughter blizzard in the sky

Daughter night-pocket

She who sells sports club memberships

One who loves over and over

She who wants child but lost one.

She who wants marriage but has none

She who never gives up

Diana (Goddess of the Chase)

Doris (for the carrot-top grandmother

she never knew)

Fargnoli (for the father

who drank and left and died)

Peter Pan, Iron Pumper

Tumbleweed who goes months without calling

Daughter who is a pillar of light

Daughter mirror, Daughter stands alone

Daughter boomerang who always comes back

Daughter who flies forward into the day

where I will be nameless.

"Naming My Daughter" by Patricia Fargnoli, from Necessary Light. © Utah State University Press, 1999. Found on the Writer's Almanac.

Yesterday, Dec. 7, Pearl Harbor Day remembered in the USA, my son Zach became a teenager.  Thirteen years ago, I was living in Grand Rapids, MN with his older brother Bobby and their dad.  We'd gone Christmas shopping that day - the only year that I started and finished that early.  We ended the day by going to the movie Flubber.  Zach started letting me know that he was ready to arrive a little earlier than scheduled - an early Christmas gift, if you will. 

With inspiration from Patricia Fargnoli - Naming my Second-born Son

The One who was born on a infamous day

The One who came early in a quiet hospital

The One who needed sunlight for jaundice

The One who looked like Baby Jesus on Christmas Eve

The One who slept best

The One who liked pancakes

The One who told stories and memorized books

The One who brought home Matilda

The One who makes friends easy

The One who sings

The One who plays trumpet

The One who broke his cheek bone

The One who doesn't have an appendix

The One who got the swine flu

The One who cared for me when I got it, too

The One who is a math master

The One who rocks at the breast stroke

The One who reads and reads and reads

The One who hugs

The One who doesn't think he's too old to say, "I love you."

The One who got sick on his birthday

The One I call my Christmas Baby

Journaling Prompt:  Write a naming poem for you or someone you care about.



Happy Birthday, Riordan!

I can't believe it's been seven years. I love you, honey!

Just another day?

Every year I have the countdown to listen to. It's glorious in it's own way. "20 days 'til my birthday, mom! 25 days 'til Christmas!" Wait...what? Riordan's birthday is the 22nd, not the 20th...

Poor kid has it in his head that we're celebrating his birthday this weekend rather on his birthday. I try so hard to celebrate it separate from Christmas so it feels like an actual birthday. Every year we have either my parents or my in-laws come over the weekend before Christmas to celebrate Christmas with them. It matters which year it is. This year it's my parents, and since they live 45 minutes away, I didn't want them to come over on both Saturday AND Sunday, so we've decided to celebrate Riordan's birthday on his actual BirthDAY. Dinner out with the family, opening gifts and then dessert. It's hard because his birthday falls within the winter break, and so without any thought beforehand, there are usually no invites that go to his friends. During the break, we have nothing to get in touch with people (have YOU tried getting phone numbers or addresses from 6-year-old's?) and so again, he's hanging with the fam. You can't make a big deal about it IN school for the fear of hurting some kid's feelings by not inviting him. (I can't invite all 24 kids to my house for a birthday party!) It's quite the issue. So, every day, the countdown until his birthday is worded with "we're celebrating my birthday on the 20th!" and me telling him that no, we're waiting until your actual birthday, dude.

We're hoping that his birthday gift, Bronco tickets, will help him get over the disappointment.

Inside

My eldest is reading The God Delusion. It caught me off guard seeing it laying there by his bed. I realized then that I've got to get over whatever I'm dealing with and start going back to church. I'm not one to push my beliefs on others, but Corrin is at the age where he's thinking...a LOT...and I'd like him to hear both sides before coming to a conclusion. It makes me feel as if I've failed that his friends are doing a better job at sharing what they believe than I am.

Through this whole...ordeal (for lack of a better word), I've talked about being unsatisfied with the church rather than God. Organized religion and such. I've even made the comment that I don't think Jesus expected what has happened through the church...and not sure He'd like it. Darn people just screw it up. His message isn't that hard...why do churches make it hard?

I am praying fervently that God shows me a church that doesn't allow the members to fuck it all up.

Magic

I had a wonderful weekend! I went to the cookie exchange and made a gingerbread house (which is now missing most of its candy, due to the boys) and met some new people. Thanks to Jennifer and Donna for throwing a fun party! I then went to a choir and orchestra concert yesterday and enjoyed hanging out with my family and friend as we listened to it. I love watching my mother-in-law sing...it's so very obvious she loves singing because she smiles the entire time. Loved the music...it got me in the Christmas spirit. Riordan loved watching the woman hit the big drum!

The boys and I put up the Christmas tree yesterday, too, so it was a busy day. I am so glad that last year I bought a container that keeps all of the decorations in an easy to pull out way with partitions because in years past I always had to unwrap each decoration before giving it to the boys and it took twice and long and had always ticked the boys off. This time, I just opened the container and the decorations were there to put up! Niiiiiice! No arguing, and the boys love seeing their Christmas oranaments! I've realized that I now need two trees in my house because I have so many decorations that we have gathered throughout the years. I have a fake tree that I can set up...I just have to figure out where it's going to go. It's the "pretty" tree that everything matches. ;)

Daegan has informed Brian and I that he no longer believes in Santa Claus. I asked him why, and he said that Santa's handwriting looks like ours (we've always printed out tags, so I'm not sure where that came from). I just told him that if he believes, his stockings will fill up on Christmas Eve. He told me that years past when he asked Corrin if HE believed in Santa, and Corrin said "not really" that HIS stocking was still filled. I told him that Corrin obviously didn't really mean it and that Santa knew it. It's hard to lie about things like this...but I have one more child in the house that still believes and God forbid his older brother is going to give it away! When Santa is gone, the magic of Christmas morning is gone. :( Christmas Eve and Christmas day is when we talk about Jesus...Christmas morning is all about Santa! I am bummed that Daegan knows the secret, but it lasted longer for him than for Corrin, which I am happy about.

Conveying the bigger picture

Yesterday was a tough one. I knew Corrin had done something and was waiting to talk to him when he got home. He admitted it (which, I have to give him credit for) but didn't see why what he did was wrong. After discussing it in length (read screaming at each other) I think he finally understood the point I was making.

Parenthood. Where you swallow your anger and try to get through the point you are trying to teach them. It's not all about us vs. them, it's about teaching them right from wrong. Teenagers have the us vs. them mentality, and I try so hard to work around that obstacle before laying down the laws of the world. Parents know nothing. They know everything. Conversations include, "Well you're thinking" or "You were going to say" or "You never listen" when really, we're just in a rush to say our point of view before listening to the other. I had to step back, take a breath, and apologize for interrupting, because he was right. I interrupted because I saw where he THOUGHT I was coming from, and I felt he was wrong. However, it's not about ME...but what he perceives, and the lesson I'm trying to teach.

One thing about Corrin and I, we scream, we yell and then it's over. There's no hard feelings (I think!!!) and we move on. He did accuse me of just wanting to get in an argument because I told him he could yell at me as long as he would TELL ME WHAT WAS ON HIS MIND!!! I told him I'm not much for yelling, but if we got to the truth of the matter, than that's what had to happen. I know a lot of people don't agree with the scream and yell method, but the outcome is what I strive for. Understanding. Agreement. Solidarity. Forgiveness. Love.

It's interesting to me, because I think everyone needs to learn how to speak their mind. You can do it plainly, and lovingly, without destroying relationships in the long run. You can tell people, "you pissed me off the other day, and I'd like to talk about it" without the world falling apart. You also can be the first to say, "I know I hurt you, and I am deeply sorry". As long as we do this for the relationship, rather than our own pride or agenda, the end result should be forgiveness.

Changing of the seasons

After enduring very cold temperatures ENTIRELY too early last week, we received a blessing of 80's yesterday and 70's today. I STILL haven't finished planting my bulbs, but am now blaming it on this cold that won't quite make up it's mind if it's going to be a full blown cold, or just make me tired and cough a lot. I'm running on empty.

I should be napping, because that's what you do when you're sick, but instead I'm sitting in the shade, listening to the light breeze move my Aspen trees. They are almost completely gold right now. The weather has been just perfect for the trees to change this year.

For some reason, I've been reflecting a lot on the past year. My mother's cancer, my best friend being in Iraq for a year, friends, Brian's job loss, other family members...a LOT has happened since this time last year. I hold my head up high with no regrets on either my actions nor my feelings. I look back and know that I have gained more appreciation for the little things, and smiles come easier to my face. I have unconsiously (or maybe consiously) removed little things out of my life that caused me greater stress than I was able to take, and have vowed to be sweeter with my words and my thoughts.

I miss my boys since they've started school. I see how separation between mother and sons is bound to happen, and nod knowingly. I think it's natural, even necessary, for the man to fall in love with a woman and leave his mother behind, but they are a part of me and never can be fully severed. I rejoice in them finding their new love, however, and will continuously praise God for whenever that should happen. I know this is early to think about, but as my young son becomes a teenager, I can feel the separation starting already. Wanting to share things with his friends rather than his parents. Again, I know this is completely normal (I wanted nothing to do with my mother and father as a teenager) but it's forshadowing what soon will come.

My husband is working a lot lately. I appreciate his job, appreciate it so much more before the Holidays. It allows us to breathe easier with health insurance and maybe a little bit of a bonus sometime next year. I appreciate how this company has made a change in my husband. He walks taller, with a broader step. He continuously is reminded how much he is needed at work and has more self confidence...something that I never was able to give him...but am so happy he is attaining it. I miss him, too.

With fall coming to an end too soon, I reflect. I administer. I love. I hope to find more of myself this upcoming year.

Corrin's 14th Birthday

We kind of had a "birthday weekend" for Corrin. We first went to Joe's Crab Shack on Friday night and had an awesome dinner. I told the waiter it was Corrin's birthday, so they make a big deal about embarassing the heck out of them in front of everyone. Here are some pics to enjoy:





We then went to Baskin Robbins for ice cream afterwards.

On Saturday, we went over to my in-laws to see some friends that have been out of town for a long time, and we brought a cake over for Corrin to share.

Then today we went to the Boondock's Fun Center and had Corrin bring a friend. It was a great time had by all. It's hard to believe he is 14. People keep asking if I feel older when they get older...and that's not really how I feel. It's mostly that I can literally remember like yesterday being pregnant with him and all of the feelings that happened. I remember getting the pregnancy test...telling Brian...telling the parentals. Everything is all so clear. The idea that 14 years have past since then is remarkable to me. He is still such a loving, sweet young man (although the loathe teenager shows up more and more lately). I love him so very much! Happy Birthday, Corrin!

Blaming it on the cats

I went downstairs last night to do laundry and kept smelling a strong odor of pee. Our basement is not finished yet, but we have carpet pieces laying down everywhere, so I checked them all to see if the cats were using them as...uh...comfortable places to relieve themselves. I couldn't smell any pee on any of them. I then take the trash can that is buy the washer outside to the trash and dump it, and the smell (along with liquid!!) comes out in full force. Our smallest darling had decided to use the trash can as a toilet.

With several minutes of extreme protest, he finally admitted to peeing in the trashcan. He first decided to blame it on the cats (which would have been a feat that I would have loved to behold) and then realized that I wasn't going to be mad, I just wanted him to fess up and then not do it again.

Pee smell is gone, kid confessed, I won't be pissed (ha ha) at the cats. Problem solved.

Kindergarten graduation

What a great graduation ceremony. They had all four classes sing three songs, and then each pupil was handed their diploma. They then had a slideshow that included each child. I was very impressed, but this isn't new at this school. They seem to do everything right! Riordan was so happy that he is now a first grader!!!

You all might think I'm crazy

This past month has been difficult. With Corrin home everyday and supposively working, I have to keep an eye on him at all times. He continuously is not doing the work that he is supposed to do and I am very tired of having to remind him to do it. Schoolwork or die, kid. Schoolwork or die.

Today, I told him I'm not nagging him anymore. (Well, Brian told him we wouldn't nag anymore).

I'm ready for this school year to be over (this is the part where you tell me I'm crazy). I'm still only working Tuesday's, Thursday's and Saturday's at Picadilly, but the days that I do work are so hectic. I'm ready to have a couple of days a week where I'm not running around in the mornings trying to get all of the stuff that I need to get done...done. Getting the boys ready for school, breakfast made, dog fed, watering plants, emptying dishwasher, doing a load of laundry...it's enough to make me ill.

Summer should be fun. I plan on taking the boys swimming quite a bit because Riordan still needs lots of practice. We have more kids on the block, so hopefully Daegan will have plenty of friends to choose from to play with daily rather than just hoping his one friend is available. i know the boys will be fighting constantly, but will be using the "get outside!!" that my own mother used on me when I was a child. Hey, I survived and am tougher because of it..heh, heh.

I think I just need a couple of days off from doing anything, but I'm realistic and I know that can't happen during this time of year!!

Laundry, anyone?

Boys and blessings

On this day I usually go out with my mom and we buy annuals. It's what we have done for the past 4-5 years. We hit Home Depot and then the Flower Bin, load our cars up with flowers, and then have lunch afterwards. Even though I'll miss that this year, I'm very excited for what will happen today. Mom and dad are coming over and watching the boys help me plant my garden. I'm not sure how the boys feel about that (work? ahhhh, MOM!) but they will do it because I told them that's what I want to happen today.

As I think about all of my pregnancies, and the fact that I have three boys, I marvel at how far I've come in my mommy process of not having a little girl. Since my mother and I are so close, I wanted a little girl...BADLY. But as I am around little girls with their squealing as younger children, and their attitudes as teenagers, I believe God knew what He was doing when He blessed me with three sons.

Bodily functions make me laugh. I am the worst at NOT laughing when one of my son's fart at the table. It's hilarious. We are trying to teach them to be polite, but the sound of a good rip on our wooden chairs always makes me laugh. This is the same when they burp. I have to control myself to not say, "GOOD ONE!" I, myself, am always proud of a good, long, loud burp.

I do not have to worry about them getting into my closet and stealing my clothes. Enough said.

They don't worry about getting their nails dirty while working with me in the garden.

When they get hurt, all I have to say is, "Are you bleeding...dying? If not, suck it up!" Usually this ends the crying. This doesn't work on little girls from my own experiences.

I can watch action movies and my boys enjoy them.

Little block-like things that snap together can provide hours of entertainment.

Guitar Hero World tour is a family event.

They are fine with wearing the same pair of jeans more than once.

Color coordinating? Yeah, what's that?

When I get a kiss from my eldest, it's like a prize to me. He's at the age where it's cool to ignore the parentals.

They can lift heavy things for me.

Killing spiders is a work of art.

They all want to marry someone exactly like me. (I'm sure this is only temporary)

They don't care if I leave the house looking like death warmed over.

Yeah, life is good!!


*Disclaimer* I'm sure having little girls has it's benefits, too. I have convinced myself I don't need one.

The day after

Poor, poor Daegan. He came home feeling pretty miserable yesterday. Had a low fever and was exhausted. I gave him some Tylenol and let him rest his eyes before dinner. He looked so pained when he heard we were having his favorite meal (spaghetti) and was upset that he wouldn't enjoy it very much. I also had pie ready for him...which he ate, but not with his usual gusto. I let him stay home today so he could take a nap and take it easy. Plus, he was invited to go to a Mammoth game for his birthday with his uncle and aunt and he did NOT want to miss that!! His fever seems to be gone, I'm hoping he takes a nice nap and feels good enough to go tonight.

Yeah, it's probably a bit weird that I let my kids stay home so they can do something fun in the evening...but he was really looking forward to it. My son is everything to me...along with his happiness.

Remembering

First off, I want to thank everyone for the kind birthday) wishes via email and telephone. It really meant a lot to me this year. I haven't had too hard of a time turning 34 (maybe when I pass the 35 hump, it'll be harder) but it freaked me out when Brian started talking about his twenty year reunion coming up in two years which means mine is coming up in four. HOLY COW!!! This blows me away. It's been 16 years since I graduated high school? BOOM...I felt old.

Brian and I spent the day together on my actual birthday. We went to test drive the Toyata Venza just for fun, walked around the booming city of Longmont, met with my parents for lunch and then went to one of my favorite places to shop...The Flower Bin. I actually didn't end up buying anything, but I sure love to look around. It was so nice to be able to talk to Brian without the constant interruptions from the kids.

Today is Daegan's 9th birthday. We're doing our family celebration tonight, and then he's having a party at the roller skating rink on Sunday. We've never invited so many kids to a party before, and I hope they all can come. Daegan is very senstitive about things like that.

I remember the day Daegan was born. Since I had been induced with Corrin, I wasn't sure what actual contractions felt like that meant he was coming. I had had contractions with Daegan since I was 33 weeks pregnant, so I wasn't sure. We were with Kaiser at the time, and I remember telling Brian that we should stop by there before heading to the hospital because I was afraid if I wasn't in labor, our hospital fee would be outrageous! So, here I was, concerned about the contractions and we stop to be checked out. Some Joe Schmoe brought me into a private room, checked me out, and said, "Oh yeah, you're ready, time to go to the hospital!" So, we drove to Denver and went to the hospital. Checked in, did all of that, and then the doctor came in a checked me out. Uh...no, I was hardly dilated. No more than I had been the previous week when the checked. So, we waited around, waited...not wanting to go home. I believe the doctor took pity on me, because she removed my plug...and made things happen.

There was a snow storm happening, and quite a few people had quite a drive to get to Denver, so we kept putting off calling our family until we knew for sure Daegan was coming. Once the doctor said, "Oh yeah, she's getting somewhere now, I can tell by how she's hugging the wall as she walks through the hall" Brian called our parents. By the time my mom and dad got there, I had received my epidural and all things were great. Epidural FTW!!

When Daegan was born, he was 8 lbs. 13 oz with the biggest sized head I had ever seen. :P Perfectly formed, looked like a 2 month old!!

Seems like yesterday he was born. Time flies so quickly!

Happy Birthday Daegan!

What my kid thinks of me

Posted this on facebook, too, but thought it was too cute!!

Ask your child(ren) these questions and enter their answers...Quite amusing!

Answered by Riordan, age 6


1. What is something mom always says to you?
I Love you.

2. What makes mom happy?
Your kids

3. What makes mom sad?
Throwing a fit

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Tickling

5. What was your mom like as a child?
Girl

6. How old is your mom:
Uh 33

7. How tall is your mom?
Oh hoh. How high are you? Whisper....5'11"

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Work on flowers

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
Clean and go on the computer

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
In charge garden person

11. What is your mom really good at?
GEtting dressed

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Playing video games

13. What does your mom do for a job?
Picadilly

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
Eggs and bacon

15.What makes you proud of your mom?
You helping me with stuff

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
Mr. Bluebird (from zippity do dah...he's learning that song)

17. What do you and your mom do together?
I Spy

18. How are you and your mom the same?
We like kisses

19. How are you and your mom different?
I'm a boy, you're a girl

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
Because I am your child

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
I don't know

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
Picadilly

23. What do you love most about your mom?
You always want kisses

24. If you could go anywhere in the world with just your mom, where would you go?
Movie Theater

25. If you could buy your mom a gift, what would you buy her?
A plant

Potential problem

While trying to get Riordan up for school, I realized that there is no pulling him out of bed anymore due to the fact that he is on the top bunk! This makes mornings a little more difficult when he uses it as a power play.

The idea of ripping him out of bed and down the ladder quickly flit through my mind, but I used coercion instead.

I also forgot how hard it was to put sheets on the top bunk. I was grunting and groaning. A terrific site to behold.

Hard to please

Can't find pic of exact bed. Here's something really close.

Brian and I decided to start looking for a different arrangement of bunkbeds to allow the boys to have a desk in their room. This is something that Daegan has wanted as SOON as we got Corrin a desk in his room. With two boys in the room, every inch of the wall is taken with two beds, two dressers, a bookcase and windows. The room is actually a decent size with lots of room in the middle of the room, but that doesn't allow for a desk.

After searching online, we figured getting a loft bunkbed would be the best solution. You have a bed on top that runs sideways, and then the bottom bunk rests perpindicular to the top bed with a desk on one side and shelves and drawers on the other. This allows one side of the room for the bedding and desk and the other side for room to play. Great solution, right?

We knew the boys would probably argue about sleeping on the top bunk and wanted to discuss it after we had the boys look at the bed. We were wrong. Daegan got it in his head that the bottom bunk was bigger than the top bunk (even though we said they were both twin sized.) The spacial aspect makes the bed LOOK bigger and he was sure that that's the one he wanted. Well, when he made the claim he wanted the lower bunk, Riordan decided that's what HE wanted. We had to convince Riordan that the desk is both of theirs and they would share it. We tried to get Daegan to admit that he wanted the desk more than he wanted to sleep in the lower bunk so he'd sleep in the top bunk. Nothing happening there. He wanted both equally. The arguing got so bad that Brian and I both said forget it, we weren't going to get the stinkin' bunk bed. Alarm crossed the boys faces, and after discussing it more, that's when Riordan dedided to take the top bunk.

Compromising with a 6-year-old and 8-year-old. It'll wear you out.

It has finally happened

Corrin is taller than me. Yesterday morning, I wasn't wearing shoes, and he was ready to leave to walk to school. I felt myself having to get on my tippy toes to give him a hug goodbye. I noticed, but thought it was because I didn't have shoes on. In the evening, I gave him another hug, and realized I was still on tippy toe and he didn't have his shoes on.

Oh boy.

I know the doctors said they saw him to be 6'4" or 6'5" but to see it actually happen (and so FAST!!) blows me away. He's not my "little boy" anymore! He LOVES it and says that I'm shrinking...