Open v. Closed

Quote of the Day:  Whenever one door closes, another one opens.
Or, as Maria says it in The Sound of Music, When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.

 

This image comes from the store called The Olde Open Window.

 

My word for the year is OPEN. Roxane, blogger at Peace Garden Writer, discussed the word for the year with me. She said that sometimes you also experience it's opposite. For me, that would be close, closed, maybe even closing.

 

Sometimes, something has to close in order for another to open. Sometimes, we're open to that change. Sometimes, we resist it. I attended a decluttering workshop once where the instructor gave me an image. If we hold tightly to our old ways and our old things we are closed up, fists clenched, pulled into ourselves. But, if we open our hands, fling wide our arms, we are now open for something new and better. 

 

So, I'm starting out my year of the word OPEN, with a closing. My church, which was a start-up Lutheran church in our area, is closing. We weren't able to grow enough in the past six year to sustain a viable existence. This smaller faith community was just what I needed. They embraced me, healed me, and lifted me up. I felt like I belonged in this smaller parish. They seemed more authentic and close-knit compared to larger congregations, and everyone's efforts were appreciated. Rejoice Lutheran was there for me when I needed it. It's a place where I let my musical talents shine. I will miss the community.

 

So, now what?  I don't know. Maybe I'm meant to be more global in my spirituality? Maybe it's time to step back and be open to other possibilities.

 

What will open up from this closing?

 

Go. Create. Inspire!

 

Journaling Prompt:  Has January sparked some change in your life? Any closings? Anything new opening for you?

 

 

Inside

My eldest is reading The God Delusion. It caught me off guard seeing it laying there by his bed. I realized then that I've got to get over whatever I'm dealing with and start going back to church. I'm not one to push my beliefs on others, but Corrin is at the age where he's thinking...a LOT...and I'd like him to hear both sides before coming to a conclusion. It makes me feel as if I've failed that his friends are doing a better job at sharing what they believe than I am.

Through this whole...ordeal (for lack of a better word), I've talked about being unsatisfied with the church rather than God. Organized religion and such. I've even made the comment that I don't think Jesus expected what has happened through the church...and not sure He'd like it. Darn people just screw it up. His message isn't that hard...why do churches make it hard?

I am praying fervently that God shows me a church that doesn't allow the members to fuck it all up.

Rushed

This past week and a half has been quite the blur. I've been Christmas shopping like no other, trying to get deals to save a bit of money. I even got up at the crack of dawn (oh, who am I kidding, it was even earlier) on the day after Thanksgiving which I've never done before. As my kids get older, the prices of their wish lists get more expensive...and Brian and I try to get at least one big item for them from Santa.

I also have been hanging out with my friend Stacey who is getting married to my best friend, Gus in May. Wedding dress shopping to be precise. It's been a lot of fun, and I'm happy that she has finally found her dress that she's going to wear on the big day. I'm making 14 dozen cookies for a cookie exchange this weekend, plus getting ready for two parties NEXT weekend, along with Riordan's birthday and Christmas.

I had picked up a volunteer form for the library, but haven't had enough time to fill it out...which means I haven't had enough time to volunteer...so I guess I'll put that off for a bit.

This Christmas season has been unusual, and I believe I talked about this last year, but nothing I've been busy with has had anything to do with church or religious activities. I've missed the joyous sounds of Christian Christmas music, so I'll be attending a Brighton Choir musical on Sunday...hoping to fill me with all that is good. I don't WANT my Christmas to be all about shopping. I miss the constant reminders of why my family celebrates this Holiday in the first place. I'll do whatever I can to include that in the festivities...looking for a church to go to on Christmas Eve.

It's been incredibly cold outside here, which means you go from place to place in a hurry. I'd like to sit down and rest for a bit, but still have so much to do! Maybe if I can get it all done now, the time for rest will come later!!!

Here's wishing you all a nice, relaxing Holiday season.

I can't go back

She's gone. The question of the day today was, "Are you coming back?" When asked this, I feel my body go rigid. My thoughts go to the final weeks of attending where everything is crystal clear. The putdowns, the thoughtless remarks, the absolute power that this church gave to one woman, who was said to be Godly. As people sat by, listening...literally eating up her words without a remark. That was the end for me. Yes, one problem with this church is gone. Yes, it makes me feel like I could visit this church. But come back? No. It's lost to me. When people sit by and let a preacher say things without standing up and saying that it's wrong...I can't trust these people anymore.

I am not laying guilt on just the members. I, too, sat there, feeling myself wanting to regurgitate, but not standing up. Holding the anger in as she said words that were hurtful. So it's not just anger, but my own self hating that I said nothing, too. How can I attend a church that, when I drive by, those feelings come back...every time? How could I possibly help it's healing? I can't.

I don't believe I can return to a church that is known for being "hard on it's ministers". I can't attend a church that is known for the conference to send preachers it's way as a stepping stone to something bigger and better. I cannot attend a church that is part of a conference that doesn't seem to have sane and well preachers. How can I attend a church where there are no children, no music ministry, nothing for my family? It just can't happen. So, I sit here, and try to swallow the anger and hurt again.

I know I have to do something. My mother-in-law suggested I write a letter to the district about what I think the church needs. I feel as if this was a good suggestion, but have to prayerfully consider what I would want to say. I do wish this church would get healthy. It is God's house, and it is there to serve the Lord.

I wish there was something out there...