I bought some jeans that were 70 % off at JCPenney. I just love deals like that and can't pass them up. Anyway, since I've been sitting on my butt since October, I've gained a bit of weight in my derriere. I'm in between sizes right now, and jean fitting is not a fun thing to do. Anyway, went with the larger size forgetting that jeans S-T-R-E-T-C-H and now they're hanging on me. This made me think of an earlier blog that I wrote at myspace. I then thought, OH MY GOD, when I deleted my myspace page, I deleted 3 years of blogging. What was I thinking?? I've gone back to my blogs to find dates of things that happened (my lumpectomy, when mom's problems started, Brian's trip to England, etc.) and I've LOST THEM ALL. I'm feeling a loss and there's nothing I can do about it.
Anyway, my blog essentially talked about trying on jeans and when you're built like I am (thin waist, big ass) jeans don't fit correctly. Ever. You've got a big, gaping spot around your waist that a belt doesn't help with. Every time you bend over, you're afraid your butt crack is going to show because they only sell low waist jeans anymore. Jeans were not made by women. I know this. It was an excellent blog if I do say so myself, and one of the first that I had ever written.
I'm mourning my loss, even though it seems silly.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Day One
Mom is doing fantastic. She ate several small meals yesterday without any problems of queasiness. She had more energy than she thought she would. Kept it simple, though, just to make sure she didn't wear herself out. The nurse told her not to sit around and think, "When is it going to happen" but to live her life like she did the day before chemo. She has it in her head that tomorrow will be the day of tireds, so just pray for her today and the rest of the week. I have GOT to make something for them to eat that is light and that has no chicken in it. The nurse told mom that for the tired days, she won't feel like eating, but dad will and I want to make sure there's something there for them to snack on. If anybody has any recipes they'd like to shoot my way that is nutritious and tasty, please do so! I am not a cook, but am willing to try...
Mom and I talked about eating more organically and how expensive it is. How do you choose what foods that you change to organic? Living off retirement does not allow you to spend tons of money on food. Does anyone have any good books out there to help newly transformed dieters?
Yesterday was good for me, too. I didn't do alot and I think that I may have staved off the cold. I'll call my dad this morning to see how mom is doing and then call Karen to see if she still needs help with picking out window treatments. The Lollar's move in date is January 31. How exciting!!
Tomorrow Brian and I have a "day date" with each other. Just the two of us. I'm very excited to be able to have the chance to spend time with him.
Mom and I talked about eating more organically and how expensive it is. How do you choose what foods that you change to organic? Living off retirement does not allow you to spend tons of money on food. Does anyone have any good books out there to help newly transformed dieters?
Yesterday was good for me, too. I didn't do alot and I think that I may have staved off the cold. I'll call my dad this morning to see how mom is doing and then call Karen to see if she still needs help with picking out window treatments. The Lollar's move in date is January 31. How exciting!!
Tomorrow Brian and I have a "day date" with each other. Just the two of us. I'm very excited to be able to have the chance to spend time with him.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
First chemo treatment
I wasn't there for it all, but I'll give you the rundown about what I heard and then what I saw.
Mom and dad got to the Front Range Cancer center at 9:45 a.m. They started her on the premeds and then laid her down for a massage (how's that for relaxing before chemo??) She then had the needle inserted in her port for the IV which wasn't a pleasant feeling, but after yesterday's pain from the drainage removal, she could handle pretty much anything.
I got to Fort Collins around 12:30. Mom was sitting in her chair quite peacefully. I sat down and we talked the entire time. Dad went out to get some lunch and mom and I talked about what happened yesterday and then she gave me the run down what happened in the morning.
Her chemo treatment consists of two drugs- Paclitaxel and Carboplatin. This is the standard treatment that seems to work the best. The Paclitaxel takes the longest to administer, and then the Carbo takes between 30 minutes to an hour.
Mom's next chemo is scheduled for January 28th. This is when she starts her clinical trial of the Avastin which will add 90 minutes to her overall chemo round. This will be the longest chemo treatment (around 6 hours). She will receive 6 rounds of chemo total with a doctor's visit every week this month (checking her vitals and blood tests). We did get her CA125 which was 130 before her first round of chemo. Dad feels as if the CA125 is a good source to see the cancer levels since it has moved from the original number before the surgery. It didn't move in the right direction (those numbers were around 50-80) but dad assures me it's a positive sign that they can use that test to see if the chemo is working. It doesn't make much sense to me, but I'm new to this and dad's been doing a lot more research than I have. I do know that both numbers are very low compared to other cancer patients with PPC that I have read about. I try not to compare because there isn't much of a point, but I do it anyway. We'll find out in a couple of days why there was fluid (a LITER of fluid!!) on her lungs. Her doctor seems to think it doesn't matter if it's cancer or fluid that collected after her surgery because she has started chemo and it will attack whatever cancer is in her body.
We start the waiting game. In about 48 hours we'll see how her body reacts to the standard chemo. We feel good that her body responded as she was receiving the chemo today (no visible signs of problems) and just pray that everything will be okay this coming week.
Mom's spirits are high and she told me today how she has received multiple letters, emails and phone calls and feels so supported during this time...and that she wouldn't have been able to get this far without the love that you all are showing her. Keep it up!! Keep praying, and know that your prayers are working.
Mom and dad got to the Front Range Cancer center at 9:45 a.m. They started her on the premeds and then laid her down for a massage (how's that for relaxing before chemo??) She then had the needle inserted in her port for the IV which wasn't a pleasant feeling, but after yesterday's pain from the drainage removal, she could handle pretty much anything.
I got to Fort Collins around 12:30. Mom was sitting in her chair quite peacefully. I sat down and we talked the entire time. Dad went out to get some lunch and mom and I talked about what happened yesterday and then she gave me the run down what happened in the morning.
Her chemo treatment consists of two drugs- Paclitaxel and Carboplatin. This is the standard treatment that seems to work the best. The Paclitaxel takes the longest to administer, and then the Carbo takes between 30 minutes to an hour.
Mom's next chemo is scheduled for January 28th. This is when she starts her clinical trial of the Avastin which will add 90 minutes to her overall chemo round. This will be the longest chemo treatment (around 6 hours). She will receive 6 rounds of chemo total with a doctor's visit every week this month (checking her vitals and blood tests). We did get her CA125 which was 130 before her first round of chemo. Dad feels as if the CA125 is a good source to see the cancer levels since it has moved from the original number before the surgery. It didn't move in the right direction (those numbers were around 50-80) but dad assures me it's a positive sign that they can use that test to see if the chemo is working. It doesn't make much sense to me, but I'm new to this and dad's been doing a lot more research than I have. I do know that both numbers are very low compared to other cancer patients with PPC that I have read about. I try not to compare because there isn't much of a point, but I do it anyway. We'll find out in a couple of days why there was fluid (a LITER of fluid!!) on her lungs. Her doctor seems to think it doesn't matter if it's cancer or fluid that collected after her surgery because she has started chemo and it will attack whatever cancer is in her body.
We start the waiting game. In about 48 hours we'll see how her body reacts to the standard chemo. We feel good that her body responded as she was receiving the chemo today (no visible signs of problems) and just pray that everything will be okay this coming week.
Mom's spirits are high and she told me today how she has received multiple letters, emails and phone calls and feels so supported during this time...and that she wouldn't have been able to get this far without the love that you all are showing her. Keep it up!! Keep praying, and know that your prayers are working.
14 years
Yeah, I'll toot my own horn a bit. I think it's huge to make it this far in this day and age. Divorce still at 50%. Absolutely asinine. People ask me how do we do it, and so I'm going to write a bit of sage advice that I've learned from 14 years of marriage. Here goes:
1. Communication. All old married couples say this, but it's absolutely true. I don't care if it's a knock down fight or quietly expressing your views, you've got to communicate. WITH this, you have to listen and respect the views of your spouse. If it's all one-sided, it ceases to be communication and becomes nagging.
2. Absolutely believe your spouse is capable of anything. My hubby is my warrior. The smartest and most talented man on the face of this Earth. I believe if he wants something, he can achieve it. He's superman. I'm his biggest fan.
3. Don't belittle your spouse. Respect one another with what you say to each other.
4. Love them with everything you have so it withstands the bad days. You're gonna have them. Annoying little habits. Saying trite things. This is YOU I'm talking abnout. You expect your spouse to love you even though you make mistakes, don't they deserve the same love back?
5. Make your spouse number one. I have a hard time with this one. Three kids to occupy my time. Family everywhere. He still needs to be the first thing I think about in the morning and before I go to bed.
6. Find things to do together that you both enjoy.
7. Love their mother-in-law or at least put up with her with a smile on your face.
8. Make time for each other.
9. Say "I love you" everyday before they leave for work, the house, etc. You never know if it's the last thing you'll say to them.
10. Don't ever let them hear you talk ill of them in front of another person.
11. Having God in your marriage.
1. Communication. All old married couples say this, but it's absolutely true. I don't care if it's a knock down fight or quietly expressing your views, you've got to communicate. WITH this, you have to listen and respect the views of your spouse. If it's all one-sided, it ceases to be communication and becomes nagging.
2. Absolutely believe your spouse is capable of anything. My hubby is my warrior. The smartest and most talented man on the face of this Earth. I believe if he wants something, he can achieve it. He's superman. I'm his biggest fan.
3. Don't belittle your spouse. Respect one another with what you say to each other.
4. Love them with everything you have so it withstands the bad days. You're gonna have them. Annoying little habits. Saying trite things. This is YOU I'm talking abnout. You expect your spouse to love you even though you make mistakes, don't they deserve the same love back?
5. Make your spouse number one. I have a hard time with this one. Three kids to occupy my time. Family everywhere. He still needs to be the first thing I think about in the morning and before I go to bed.
6. Find things to do together that you both enjoy.
7. Love their mother-in-law or at least put up with her with a smile on your face.
8. Make time for each other.
9. Say "I love you" everyday before they leave for work, the house, etc. You never know if it's the last thing you'll say to them.
10. Don't ever let them hear you talk ill of them in front of another person.
11. Having God in your marriage.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A quick update about mom.
Dad called today to let me know that they found fluid on mom's lungs when they took the scan. So, she had to go back to the doctors to have the fluid sampled, and then they ended up just taking it all out.
There are quite a few reasons she could of had the fluid, and I'm trying to just stay calm and hope the cancer hasn't spread. No matter what, she'll still start chemo tomorrow. Same treatment. We'll find out what the fluid is in a couple of days.
Mom was pissed. Just "another thing". I don't blame her, truthfully.
Edit: I added "could of had the fluid". Big difference. I'm sorry about that.
There are quite a few reasons she could of had the fluid, and I'm trying to just stay calm and hope the cancer hasn't spread. No matter what, she'll still start chemo tomorrow. Same treatment. We'll find out what the fluid is in a couple of days.
Mom was pissed. Just "another thing". I don't blame her, truthfully.
Edit: I added "could of had the fluid". Big difference. I'm sorry about that.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Listen
Hear that? Absolutely nothing.
The boys are back in school! It was actually the best holiday break that I've had. The boys had plenty of things to play with (it could have been nicer outside so they got a bit more excercise, but, we live in Colorado) and they kept their fighting down to a minimum.
However, I like to go out by myself once in awhile, and I was feeling like that didn't happen. I might just take a drive this morning and enjoy the quiet in the car.
Last night I went to a couple of colleges online to see what courses they offer for Horticulture and Landscape design. I think I'll have to go the Community college direction due to the fact they offer more night classes. I also am debating on whether or not to do online courses. It's been a long time since I've been to college and have had course work, and I'm not sure I have the discipline to do it at home. I'm getting excited, looking around. Anyway, I won't be starting this spring, but will be aiming for summer start. Wish me luck!!
The boys are back in school! It was actually the best holiday break that I've had. The boys had plenty of things to play with (it could have been nicer outside so they got a bit more excercise, but, we live in Colorado) and they kept their fighting down to a minimum.
However, I like to go out by myself once in awhile, and I was feeling like that didn't happen. I might just take a drive this morning and enjoy the quiet in the car.
Last night I went to a couple of colleges online to see what courses they offer for Horticulture and Landscape design. I think I'll have to go the Community college direction due to the fact they offer more night classes. I also am debating on whether or not to do online courses. It's been a long time since I've been to college and have had course work, and I'm not sure I have the discipline to do it at home. I'm getting excited, looking around. Anyway, I won't be starting this spring, but will be aiming for summer start. Wish me luck!!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
What now?
The New Year. 2009. Not much to look forward to if you read the papers like I do. More jobless people, more lost homes. It's really been kind of a depressing holiday.
When I was younger, the New Year equaled getting smashed and kissing my man at midnight. lol. Then kids came into the picture, and I don't think I've made it to midnight in about 8 years. We went over to a friends house so we could bring our kids and have their kids and be safe during the holiday. Since my new found enjoyment of "being with other people" has come to a head, I made my entire family suffer with me. I loved it. The cacaphony of sounds and the merriment of children who had no idea why there were so many people gathered. Just being happy with each other.
We came home and told the boys it was time for lights out. Daegan didn't understand why we weren't staying up until 12 to bring in the new year. I couldn't keep my eyes open, and Brian seemed to be having the same problem as I was. Disappointment all around.
It might be the pessimism for the new year that has come.
I refuse to make new year resolutions because it has been my experience that no one ever keeps them. Making promises to yourself that are out of reach never seems like a good idea to me. We have enough heartache and stress in our daily lives. Why add to it?
So....I just hope that this year my hubby finds a job. My friends and family stay happy and healthy and that we survive what will be a difficult year.
When I was younger, the New Year equaled getting smashed and kissing my man at midnight. lol. Then kids came into the picture, and I don't think I've made it to midnight in about 8 years. We went over to a friends house so we could bring our kids and have their kids and be safe during the holiday. Since my new found enjoyment of "being with other people" has come to a head, I made my entire family suffer with me. I loved it. The cacaphony of sounds and the merriment of children who had no idea why there were so many people gathered. Just being happy with each other.
We came home and told the boys it was time for lights out. Daegan didn't understand why we weren't staying up until 12 to bring in the new year. I couldn't keep my eyes open, and Brian seemed to be having the same problem as I was. Disappointment all around.
It might be the pessimism for the new year that has come.
I refuse to make new year resolutions because it has been my experience that no one ever keeps them. Making promises to yourself that are out of reach never seems like a good idea to me. We have enough heartache and stress in our daily lives. Why add to it?
So....I just hope that this year my hubby finds a job. My friends and family stay happy and healthy and that we survive what will be a difficult year.
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