Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Fair-weathered friend

In an earlier blog I talked about having only a few friends around me my entire life. It's easier that way because I invest all of my time and my energy and, dare say; my love to each of these close friends.

I give and give and give and hopefully, feel a return once in awhile. A loving remark or a kind gesture. The sweet acts of love that only friends can give.

I'm tired of this "friendship" that goes nowhere. Where I hear what is going on through other people. I'm good enough for some bad things. The things that completely change your life, but never good enough to hear the good things or day to day things. Is it because you don't think I care? Is it because of who I am married to? You've never held that against me before. You usually brought that up fondly, but I feel that that is the reason you don't tell me anything. The good ol' pride. Which is fine. I get it. But quit calling me a friend because I feel like anything but.

You say that you're lonely and that no one reaches out. I have reached out. Over and over again. Offered my ear, my time and my love to you. You have ignored these things and it hurts me. You might not mean to, but it's obvious what I offer is not what you are wanting. You cancel at the last minute. You give open ended replies to invites and then I don't hear from you. You would rather sleep than spend time with me. Maybe it's me? I could be okay with that, too, if you'd just be honest. I abhore dishonesty. You should know that by now.

I can't offer anymore to you. You will be in my life, and I understand that, but I'm just done trying.

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