Thursday, January 7, 2010

Jane's Sweets Out-takes from 2009: Memorable Baking Wipe Outs, Wash Outs, and Overall Monstrosities

Ahh, the joy of baking mishaps, monstrosities, and plain unmitigated disasters. In honor of the new year, I figured it might be time for the first ever round-up of Jane's Sweets & Baking Journal's greatest and most gruesome out-takes. Afterall, there are just so many to choose from. Here's a ghastly sampling.

Let's start with the plum upside-down cake that looked better after it was catapulted into the garbage can. Remember that one?

Or how about the decorated three-layer cake that melted like a candle burning at both ends?

That one's seared into my memory for all time. (I'm certain you feel the same way.)

Lucky for you, there were a few baked horrors that I was charitable enough to keep under wraps . . . among them the purple scone batter from Hell. That one was exorcised from the household before it could fulfill its hideous fate.

Positively sinister. Those scones never saw the light of day. As Martha Stewart would say, it's a good thing.

And here we have a pan of recalcitrant mini-cornbread loaves that just wouldn't get with the program.

I know it's sad, but you simply can't help a cornbread loaf that doesn't want to help itself.

Despite its deceptively normal appearance, this coy imposter, pictured below, masqueraded as a classic yellow layer cake with caramel frosting. In reality, however, it was a cake so rubbery and unpalatable, so devoid of genuine flavor and appeal, partially enrobed in a frosting so disgustingly, outrageously sweet, it could only be safely served to humans if accompanied by a gallon jug of fresh insulin.

God save us.

Oh, and here we have the loaf of bread that wishes it had been born an envelope.

Talk about an abomination of nature.

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Okay, I think that's enough for now. You alright? Want me to call someone for you?

Just go lie down for a while. I'll check in on you tomorrow.

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